The Side Effects

.11 Memories

I was out of the hospital within a week for being a good little mental patient and was back home. My phone had a few texts of people wishing me well and a few phone calls from my parents (Made sure that neither of them can see me can I get a hell yeah)

I saved up enough money from various jobs and had enough money to buy my own house and separate from being near/with Kaleb.

When I was browsing at homes in New York I realized that it's less than an hour away from Kaleb so I started looking into California.

"Hey do you want to go get something to eat"Kaleb asked walking into my room cautiously.

"I'm not crazy you don't have to act like I'm gonna snap at any moment" I said annoyed.

"I saw the pink wrapping so I figured u were on your period. Sorry I didn't mean to offend you" he replied not looking me in the eyes.

"I'm not hungry" I said coldly.

"Wanna do something though. We haven't hung out in a long time" he seemed nervous.

"Actually I just really want to be alone right now. I'm going out to grab some more tea." The words came out of my mouth strung together all in a neat row. The truth was I wanted him to need me. I wanted him to offer to come with me.

"Okay. Text me when you get home I'm going to hang out with Jaime. While you were in the hospital we actually got kinda close" Kaleb said turning around and walking out the door.

You wouldn't stay. You would never need me.

I grabbed my jacket and walked out of the apartment. I walked all throughout our little town. Whispering the lyrics to Kings And Queens by 30 seconds to Mars.

I walked and walked and every place reminded me of somewhere. Some memories were full and others were just glances.

I passed the tree that was rumored to be used for hangings back in the 18th century. There was a bench right underneath. That's where I got bullied the first time and that's also where I punched the guy and broke his nose 4 years later.

I sat down and closed my eyes. I thought of saying in my mind.

-If I was meant to die why not do it on my own terms-

-Hope is for people that don't realize that we all die-

I had to ask myself the same question over and over. Why. Why. Why. Why am I depressed. Why do I hate myself. Why am I alive. I realized it has gotten dark and decided to head home.

I knew that me and Jaime weren't a thing and that Kaleb just deals with me. My friends wouldn't care if I existed or not.

Hey sorry it took so long for the update again I've been dealing with some stuff.