Dusk Till Dawn

Chapter 18: The Goodbye

He had broken up with me over text mostly because we were in the middle of a global pandemic. But that is not how we are supposed to do it. And since the day I accepted the break up, that is, 23rd May, I had been asking him to meet and say a proper goodbye. The goodbye was also supposed to be my last attempt to convince him not to do so. It had been nearly six months since we had broken up and a while since we talked. I gathered everyone who would help me and told them all to message him on instagram, it was only until 6 people had messaged him, he replied to my elder sister. Meet him that day, 6:00 p.m. on my terrace. I honestly did not expect him to reply.

I was happy and nervous. Happy that I'll get to see him and nervous for the goodbye. As a good writer I was prepared with my speech. I said it all and I don't remember it because it was 2 pages long and I would've only remembered it if it had been written by him.

But I remember a few reactions of him. Throughout the whole speech he kept talking to his 'close friend' but from what I knew he was paying attention to what I was saying at all times.

First: when I mentioned that there might be future boyfriends. The last if you all remember we met I had told him that I did not wish to date anyone. So when I mentioned this, he had a short reaction which I did not fail to notice. He for a second looked at me with eyes which said, "Future boyfriends..." In a dejected and shocked way.

Second: He never said the whole sentence, "I don't love you anymore" it was always "I don't" or a reply to the question "I don't love you" as "idk", "no". (This maybe just me overthinking but it's true)

Third: When we said the last goodbye. I had asked for a hug, a last hug and he said no and I lost control over my tears, I had them in for 4 months I couldn't hold them in anymore. He had an irritated look and asked me not start crying and I told him that I hadn't cried since 4 months, he gave me a hug and as soon as he felt I had stopped crying, he let go and seeing that he had only hugged because of pity made me cry even more. And then once again gave me an irritated look this time seeing this I almost screamed at him, "Just leave!" and he went halfway down the stairs and I was about to collapse on my knees when I heard him coming back up. He came back up and hugged me, expressing how he felt. He wasn't hugging me very tight but yet he was trembling, my head was snuffled in his shoulders and I remember how his clavicle felt, my hands were contorted into something like a claw, trying to grab onto his shirt, I didn't want to let go. I remember his hands around my ribs. We both were sweating like hell, but we didn't care. He hugged me thrice the same way, every time he saw me cry when he let go. It was the last time I was home. My home would forever remain his arms.

He did love me. But the love seemed too little to his ambitions and his love for making his parents proud and happy. In 2016 I had loved a boy but today, in 2020 I love a man. He's worth it, worth the wait, and I would always love him, but I can't force him to stay in my life. If we are meant to be it would happen no matter what path we chose. Until then all I can do is love him till the day we meet again.

{Preferred Background music: Out Of Love- Alessia Cara}