Dusk Till Dawn

Chapter 21: The End.

I am wide awake. At 3 am, and all I can think about is him, turned to his left, left cheek squished onto his pillow, eyes shut, not tight shut but gently shut. Him breathing quietly and a soft light from the window falling upon his face. Sleeping. All I can think about is how he is at peace, sleeping without a care in the world. Even if tomorrow he would wake up stressed and agitated. Right now he is asleep, peacefully, and here I am. Staring at the ceiling, begging to god to stop the pain, my hands entwined together, saying to him that I'm tired and that I'm not as strong as He thinks I am. I still believed in Him, because whenever I lost faith, I got a reason right away to not lose it.

My dearest was at peace, he was happy without me. And this time I knew. He was not coming back. He was gone. And all my memories of his smile, his hair, his body scent, his hands, the scars on his body, his two vampire-like teeth, his expressions, his cheesy lines, his eyes. His eyelashes, eyebrows, and the way he used to light up after seeing me rushed in. Of how his eyes didn't shine when we met for the last time. How I missed the special way we used to say goodbye. He loved me. He always had. He put in all his efforts just to see me. He did it all. But he didn't love me, not anymore. To be honest, he did still love me, but that love was too irrelevant compared to his love for his parents and his ambitions. Somewhere that love had gotten weak. It wasn't my fault nor was it his. It was right of him to focus on his career first, isn't that what we are always taught?

And I knew that it was time to let go. I was crying. But I had to leave. Leave the past behind.

He was not coming back.

Not this time.

I did everything I could until there was nothing left to do.

He was the most beautiful thing that could've ever happened to me. I would always love him. But I had to let him go so that I could grow. And it was the hardest thing I ever did. It wasn't easy, not at all. But it had been six months since we broke up.

So I imagined him hugging me, caressing my hair as I rested my head on his shoulders. I vaguely remembered their outline. He was saying (I was forgetting what his voice sounded like), "It's gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be alright" only this time he didn't end with 'I'm right here' this time he ended, "even without me." I never learnt how to live without him, that's the only thing he never taught me. But he left me with no choice but to learn. He walked away but this time I didn't stay I walked away too. I love him and I let him go.

Maybe we could've been possible, some other time some other day but not now.

And I smiled.

{Preferred background music: You were good to me- Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler}