Dusk Till Dawn

Chapter 12: Lies

Since all this had happened insecurities and trust issues rose up like the sales drafts of Cadbury during the month of February. We made a promise to each other saying that we won't talk to anyone of the opposite sex. For me later it changed to that I could only talk to only one person my dearest friend Asmi. I could maintain it for six months. Lost all my friends support by then, it was more and more difficult to live like that and I started talking to girls behind his back and to boys only related to academics and only occasionally more than that if we ever sat in a group during a free lecture and chilled out. For him the restriction remained till girls only and yet instances, mistakes where he had to talk to them because of some work. I was so scared of losing him, I did everything. Showed him how vulnerable I was, gave him all my passwords, and made every day only about him. And then he entered college, a new world. In his school everybody knew that his heart belonged to me and that gave me some sense of security but as he entered college I saw a drastic behavioural change. No one in his college knew about me. It was like he was leading two different lives. So many girls crushing over him, trying to get close to him. It made me think that he was ashamed of me, I was two years smaller than him and thought that he is not talking about my existence because I'm childish. I look ugly and I don't deserve to be known by the world as his girlfriend. Somewhere in trying not to lose him I lost my self-respect.

I had many instances where he found out that I talked to people and whenever he did I pushed them away because no one mattered more than him. I had hurt him a heck lot many times. As I said before I can be a monster. Now there was only one instance when it came out that he was also enjoying behind my back in college and then I started seeing all signs of it.

One day while we were talking he got a call from a girl who he had mentioned before to have the hugest crush on him in the whole college, Ankita. I saw the name flash upon his phone. He went to the other side of the road and talked and came back. When I asked him who it was he said it was his mom, and I told him I saw her name, he immediately apologised and said he wouldn't lie again and I didn't quite hear it because I was zoning out. All that crossed my mind was that he is doing it, talking to everyone behind my back. And I knew better that for him he couldn't leave it, once he had started talking he couldn't stop. He didn't love me the same anymore.

Now since I was all done and dusted with lying, I knew what a person does while lying about that particular thing. So whenever he talked about his day there was moment when he said that this particular girl came up to me and told me so and I gave him the look like, "Oh! A girl did you say?" And he said only this one time because it was work. I had done this before and therefore knew that I wasn't the one time, but I let it slide. At times I think that I let it slide too much, should've just stopped him there but a part of me always thought that I deserved it all and just took it in.

But when you don't respect yourself others won't ever respect you back. He kept thinking that I bend easily while I don't he was just an exception.

And then he started taking me for granted. And thought that he could never lose me again.

{Preferred Background Music: Falling- Trevor Daniel}