It was going to be a long journey to normal. Maybe we wouldn't even reach normal ever again (spoiler: we don't get normal ever again) when you cheat on someone you not only break their trust but give a boost to their insecurities, you break their heart. They wouldn't even want to see your face and just die, because they truly loved you and all you did was give them a million reasons to not love you anymore. Every day was going to be struggle for me for that day onwards. The penance for what I did never ends for me till date. I still get to hear in every argument about what I did. At times when you keep hearing the demonic side of yourself you think of just giving up and becoming the person that is being painted in front of you but when you see the person so dearly love hurting so much you would never be able to leave them. Seeing cuts on their hands, them trying to hit themselves will chip a part of your soul every time you see it. It will be a sword being pushed more and more inside your heart. You'll spend nights crying in your bed but you can't show that to the other partner because their hurt is bigger and it is because of you, you stop being selfish and strive every day to gain his trust.
I hated who I had become. I was changing myself to be better for him. It was all okay as it was all worth for his love. The struggle we both had gone through doesn't seem justified to be written so condensed. I wanted to kill myself, a monster like me didn't deserve to live. That time period I had made 5 cuts on my arm (now its 16, but okay... topic for another time). He had made two-three. There was a song he used to play that made me cry, "Mujhe khone ke baad ek din tum mujhe yaad karoge phir dekhna milne ki mujhse tum fariyaad karoge." (roughly translated in to English: When you will loose me one day, you will miss me and then you will beg to see me) And the song which made him feel the same was, "But you'll never be alone, I'll with you from dusk till dawn, baby I'm right here" Later on we decided to make that song a promise to not ever leave each other again. It became our song. We never went back to normal. But in the end at the end of my count when I said '10' he kissed me declaring he still loved me. All was fine till we loved each other because whenever things went wrong the only thing that consolidated me was that he loved me. Love conquers all.
{Preferred Background Music: Ocean- Martin Garrix, Khalid}
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Dusk Till Dawn
RomanceI am wide awake. At 3 am, and all I can think about is him, turned to his left, left cheek squished onto his pillow, eyes shut, not tight shut but gently shut. Him breathing quietly and a soft light from the window falling upon his face. Sleeping. A...
