Unplanned Plans ◤𝓕𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓚𝓲𝓽 ◥

31 : 🏡

Forth entered the room like a deflated big bear with his eyes mirroring longing and anguish.. I didn't let him see me for more than two weeks and this is the first time I saw him since that incident.. Panpan told me he's been staying and sleeping outside my room.. To the nearest waiting bench available to be specific.. Supposedly it's not allowed but he's been persistent until they just consider him.

Brat..

Earlier, I decided to ask Panpan to call him.. I still wonder what to say..

He then heavily took his steps coming closer to me. I looked away and knew it made him halt.

I thought, I'm already brave enough..

"Kit.. Kit I'm sorry.."

He whispered..

"Kit I swear, I already stopped contacting Beam.. I stopped responding.. I stopped for the two of us.."

His tears started to stain his face one after another.. Is he even aware?

"I.. I sincerely wanted those future plans with you.. I dream of having you and our baby in our own home.. I look forward to see you everyday playing with him.. Sleep and wake up with you on our bed.. Kit, a family meal with you.. I wanted them.. More than what I can say, more than what I can show.."

"Me too.."

I confessed.

"I also wanted the future you put into words.."

The baby gave me a kick.. I smiled while running my fingers on my tummy.. I'm happy.. I love the feeling that he's alive inside me..

Is he hurting for his daddy? But..

I'm sorry my son.. Don't listen to Papa for now.. Okay?

I looked straight to his eyes.. They're tired and lonely..

"But just when I thought I can finally have a hope. A hope to have a family of my own. A hope that I'll get to experience that happiness.. A hope that my child won't have to suffer like me.. Then here it is.."

I laughed bitterly..

"..I'm stupid so reality reminded me that this started wrong and will never work out right between us.."

"Tell me what you want. Tell me what I should do.. Tell me how I can make you comeback.. Kit.. I'm scared you'll leave me.. I'll do anything.. Please.."

He stepped closer..

"If you want me to do something to Beam--"

"Forth.. I only have myself all my life.. I'm an idiot for being selfish for a moment there so now I'm receiving a punishment.."

"You're not.. You're never selfish.. It's me.. I'm wrong.. It's my fault.. Please Kit.. Please tell me what should I do for you to forgive me.. I'm wrong.. I--"

"When I woke up after that day.. I got scared.. I thought I'll be disciplined.. I thought I'll die.. I know, I'll die if I'll lose my baby.. I'll die Forth.."

"C-Calm down~ Calm down babe.. Kit? Please.. Please Kit.."

My breathing tightened.. I'm aware this is bad but, my heart aches.. It's painful.. It's difficult.. and along this pain, I felt a rush of panic..

Can I.. Do this??

Can I say the words I wasn't trained to say? Can I do things I'm not allowed to do? I internally laughed along this scorching agony..

It's hard to prioritize yourself first..

"Kit.."

I heard him whisper in my ears, I guess my mind blacked out for a moment, the next thing I know, Forth was already gently cradling me..

It's so warm in his arms.

I exhaled the air I didn't know I was holding.. I hate how I love this soothing lullaby of just being around him..

"You know what's hard?"

I slowly started..

"Tell me, Kit.."

He answered weakly as his arms around me strengthened. Too bad, I honestly love this, his comforting voice and intoxicating scent..

"It's not hard to be unloved, I understand and accept that.."

I scooted closer inhaling our time together..

"The most difficult part is to wait for you to come home and when you're around, there's a fear of losing you any moment--"

I quit..

"..After starting to fall for you.. While knowing what you feel for Beam, and what my bestfriend feels for you.."

Forth stiffened.. He has to listen..

"Please let me go."

"Kit.. Kit don't.. I want to be with you.. I need you.. Please I need you.."

His embrace got tighter.. I felt the growing pool of tears in my skin as he nuzzled his face deeper in my neck.. He's weeping his heart out begging and pleading..

He even unconsciously and repeatedly call my name..

Yes..

I'm cruel.. I'm unfair.. and it hurts me too but..

"Forth.. I'm hurting.. I'm always trying to accept everything.. always trying to understand.. always sees myself as the last option.. can't demand.. can't complain.. but.. having the baby gave me the fear of losing what's more important for always seeing myself as nothing.."

I pulled myself away from his arms and with the little pinch of courage.. I smiled with the words..

"Please give me the chance to decide for us. For me and my son."

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