May POV:
I really didn't want to be in the car with this man. Part of me wanted to reach over and punch the fuck out of him and then part of me just wanted to hug and cry on him. I just sat in the car on my phone and I played some music. We were an hour out from the club where Juice was holding the release party. We both kept straight faces and for the first ten minutes of the ride. I didn't want to talk but I know if I don't it will eat at me until the next time and that will be too late.
"What you thinking about May?"
"Why are you speaking to me?" As soon as I said that he pulled off the road and parked the car. "Umm, what the fuck are you doing?"
"We are going to talk right now. I am tired of you treating me like shit. You act like I never apologized or even addressed the situation"
"That's just the issue, you didn't address her but you addressed me. How you gon let your bitch disrespect me and I was supposed to be your girl. You let that hoe drag my name in the mud and you stayed quiet. That bitch poured drinks and disrespected me IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE and what the fuck did you do? You let Jah break us up and continued to drink your drink. DO you understand how that makes me feel? You lucky nothing we had going on was public because I would have felt embarrassed at that interview. You wrong as fuck and instead of telling me the truth you lied to my face how the fuck else am I suppose to cope with that" I said tears forming in my eyes and I just looked down. "You took me for granted like I thought you would. You never cared about me, you just needed a bean bag while you got over Shay and-"
"Hold the fuck up because I never needed no got damn bean bag. I told you from the beginning I wanted to fuck with you. We made promises, I even know about your poetry did you tell Bianka about it? Your mom? Not a soul knows about that but me and the people that think it's your everyday life. I didn't intend for shit with Alexis, way it went down is that there was blackmailing and some unfinished issues tied into it and I am truly sorry for putting you in such a position. I really wish I could take it back but that damage is done. You can be mad at that but I be damned if you sit up here and say I ain't never said I ain't fucking care bout you because that would be a damn lie and you know that shit. I helped you and you helped me. When the nigga Eric had you do you know what it was like being on tour not knowing if they would find you? Do you know how it felt to have to perform and feel like your world was ending off that fucking stage? HUH DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT SHIT FELT? I BET YOU DON'T! I LOVE YOU AND EVERY TIME I TRIED TO EXPRESS THAT ALL YOU SAID WAS "I AM NOT A GROUPIE" LIKE MAY I A'INT NEVA HAD NO FUCKING GROUPIES AND I BE DAMNED IF YOU SIT UP HERE AN LIE ON MY EMOTIONS. You left me in a dark space, now I have seen depression all around me and when you left I had nobody to turn to. When I needed a late-night talk there was no one there. I know you were hurt but I was hurt too and you left me and I couldn't handle that pain. I didn't lose my girl I lost a really good friend of mine and that is what you don't see", he said through tears and a cracking voice. He put his head down and just broke down and he was crying like a baby. I thought very carefully before my next words.
"Stokeley... on 4/20 when we were all fucked up Eric came to the house. Almost everyone was passed out. Bianka and I were up when he came to the door. She was still fucked up but when I didn't come back from opening the door she felt she had to come to find me." I was trying really hard not to break down. "Eric tried to have sex with me but I kept saying no and stop and I felt like no one could hear me. Bianka came and hit him with a pan from the kitchen. She looked at me and my shirt was torn and I was just shaking. I hated myself for a long time because that happened in front of your home and yet you still couldn't save me nor did I tell you because something told me you would hate me more than you would believe me. I didn't want you to leave me alone so I always hid it from you. Eric is the reason why I try to never wear dresses because there were times when he failed like 4/20 and times where he would succeed." I said all of that without dropping a tear and he just listened. When I was done he looked up at me and I could see the pain and anger in his eyes and I just turned and looked out the window.
"Look at me", he said but I didn't turn. "LOOK at me May" then I turned to him. "There is nothing you can say unless there is actual proof or it happens in front of me where I would never take your word for it. I actually have a confession to make. I have had this for about a year now and you can tell I am slowly putting on weight. I uh I have heart disease and the only person I could tell was Jah. I found out a month after you left but I really needed you to know because we shared a bed for a year you are always there so if something happened to me it wouldn't be a shock to you."
I looked at him wide-eyed "I am so sorry Stokeley. I- I don't even know how to respond to that I mean can you get this fixed like surgery or something I mean?"
"I can but I don't want to. I don't like the thought of being in a hospital I also got a record deal but I haven't told anyone since it's been about Juice"
"Um don't skip past the surgery you need to get that surgery because God forbid-"
"Nothing is going to happen to me May, I will be fine. I am not getting the surgery."
"I-... okay okay. Congrats on the deal though. You really are beginning to step up in your personal career huh"
"You know a businessman gotta be about his money ma", he said starting up the car. Before he pulled off I stopped him and wiped his face from all the tears. Lucky for me I picked up wipes for the car when I went to the store. I handed him one and I used one for myself. We just eyed each other. "I love you May"
I just looked at him and I could tell he meant it. "I love you too Stokeley", he leaned toward me and I put my hands on each side of his face and we kissed. I once again felt at home with and I felt safe and as the kiss deepened the more I knew that now it was us and the world. Of course, moments like this don't last forever because we were interrupted by a phone call.
"Hello?"
"Girl where the fuck are you? We are going to start in like 20 minutes. Did y'all get lost?"
"No Bebe we are on the way there right now. We just had to make a quick pit stop" I looked at him and he kissed my hand then we pulled off officially on our way. I smiled because regardless of how I felt, my happiness was tied with this man.
