Cerulean Found

Chapter 82 - The Calm After the Storm

I didn't sleep well last night. I tossed and turned as I replayed the encounter with Sabra over and over again in my mind. I still don't know why exactly she had come to my room. She said she wanted to warn me that everything would end badly, but what does she even mean by that? Things with me and Josh?

What really upset me wasn't the fact that she intruded into my personal space, or was going on about things I didn't understand. No, what really got under my skin was her determination to prove that I didn't love my boyfriend.

I know deep down that there is a tiny possibility that what I feel is not love, not yet, at least. From the moment that he professed his adoration towards me, I silently questioned my own feelings in regards to him.

What is love? What is this that I feel for him? I really don't know.

I assumed because I was so happy and so infatuated with him that I loved him.

Did I misread everything?

Is Sabra right?

Maybe it is indeed like she had said and what I feel is not love? The realization makes me cry uncontrollably. Thoughts like that are what kept me up all night. I spent the majority of the early morning hours trying to make sense of my feelings. I desperately want to love him and silently hate myself that I am not able to determine what it is I feel.

I want to be worthy of his love. Despite all of the unpleasant thoughts filling my head, and the uncertainty about my feelings, I am certain of one key thing. I know for sure that I am not going to end anything with Josh. I care too much about him to let go. I care too much to just give up. We've only known each other a few weeks... maybe love takes time?

After my sleepless night, I wake up feeling much better. I realize that it doesn't matter what Sabra says or thinks because It is my life.

I look at the clock on the bedside table and realize it is much later than I had thought, it is practically lunch time! I rush to get ready and hope that I am not keeping my family from any previously planned activities that they may have had. Unless of course, these plans included Amber, then I don't care in the slightest!

As soon as I am dressed and ready, I head to the living room and find Gram sitting on the white couch, watching a TV show. As soon as she hears me enter, she turns off the TV. I know she is going to want me to spill all of the details about my dinner date last night. I smile to myself. I love how invested she is in my love life.

"Good morning Milla. Or should I say, good afternoon? You must have been tired. Did you just wake up?"

"Yea, sorry. I hope no one was waiting for me," I reply.

"No, no. The boys went with your Abbo to the beach at the resort. I said we'd do our own thing and maybe meet up with them later... if they're lucky! Ha! So Mila, you must tell me! How was your date? I can only imagine how you must have felt sailing to that ship of theirs in the bay! No wonder you slept as late as you did. That trip alone, must have taken so much out of you."

I blush as I remember the magical evening Josh and I shared under the stars as we ate dinner on the deck of his boat. I proceed to tell Gram all about the meal as she makes us some lunch. Her excitement is unreal. She wants to know everything and asks a million questions, which I happily answer as we eat tomato sandwiches and chips.

What was the ship like?

How many bathrooms?

Was the food good? Seriously, was it good?

What about the cake? Is mine better? You don't have to answer that one. Actually, yes you do! Tell me mine was better!

What do they have hanging on the walls? What is the decor like?