Cerulean Found

Chapter 16 - Boy Bands

I'm so caught up crying and feeling bad for myself, that I don't hear the door open or the footsteps. I'm not even aware that anyone is in the dim hall with me, until I hear the familiar voice speak.

"You really shouldn't yell at him like that, he doesn't know any better. He's just a kid," Josh says.

I tilt my head up to look at him, kneeling beside me. I hear another door open."What happened to her?" Cameron asks. "Matty jumped in the pool and splashed her...twice," Josh explains.

"Oh, no way? And we missed it? What did she do? Did she punch him?" Justin asks obviously excited by the prospect that I may have beaten up our little brother. "No. She yelled at him," Josh says. I can detect a bit of disgust in his voice.

"Ahhh, that's not very exciting," Justin says disappointed. "Did he cry?" Josh nods yes, which only makes me feel even worse. I hate being thought of as an awful sister.

"What a baby," Justin laughs. I was happy to hear that he didn't think bad of me.v"Do you know if it's almost time to eat?" Cameron asks, completely unbothered by my unloving behavior towards the littlest Grayson boy. "Yeah. Your grandma was setting the table. She said it'd be another 5 minutes," Josh says.

"Perfect timing," Justin remarks. "Are you staying to eat?" Cameron asks. "Yeah, I'll be there in a few," Josh tells my brothers as they head to dinner.

"Okay, we'll save you some food." Cam says. "Don't worry about Camila, she'll be fine. She just doesn't like getting wet."

Josh puts an arm around me. I push it off. How dare he try to comfort me after he made me feel like crap about yelling at my brother.

"I know you're mad he splashed you, but don't you think you're overreacting and being just a little over-dramatic?" Did he really just say that?

"No. You just don't understand at all," I say harshly. "Yeah. I think I do. And I think you need to grow up a little bit. You're acting really immature crying in here over what he did. He's just a kid, he didn't mean to."

Josh's words sting.

"Are you done yet?" I ask. "Yeah," he replies. "Then can you leave?" I snap. "Are you going to come and eat?" He asks. "Leave," I shout as my eyes fill with tears.

"Come on, don't be mad at me," Josh pleads. "Please. Please just leave me alone." I sobb silently.

"I'm not going to leave you like this," he replies. Why can't he take a hint? "Please just go. I need to be alone." The words come out a muffled whisper.

"Okay. What do I tell your family? Are you going to come and eat?" He asks.

"No." I bury my head deep into my knees and cradle myself as I sob.

I don't know how long I sit there on the cool tile floor, rocking back and forth. It seems to be only a few minutes but I know that is not true. When I finally open my eyes and lift my head up, I realize it is nighttime.

I take a deep breath before rising from the floor. So many emotions swim through my body as I recall everything that I have done and said. I am feeling so many things, but the feeling that is the most overpowering, is regret. I regret how I had yelled at Matty. I knew he would forgive me and possibly he had already forgotten what I had said, but I knew I never would and neither would Josh. I was ashamed of my behavior and as much as I disliked Josh I didn't want him to think of me as a bad person, because I was not. He just happened to catch me in a moment of weakness on an already bad day.

As quick as my feelings of shame and regret take over my body, they are replaced. Now I feel hatred and a deep rooted anger. The source of my fury is Josh, of course. He is the one who showed up on the beach. He is the one who invited himself on my walk. He is the one who, despite my protests, insisted I go with him for the hike up the hill. He was the one who looked into my eyes as if he felt some sort of connection between us. He is the one who held my hand. He is the one who led me to believe he is available, when in reality he has a girlfriend. He is the one who made me start to like him when I shouldn't. He is the one who caused me to have such an incredibly wonderful yet terrible day.