BackStage (Niall Horan Fan Fiction)

7. Mr. Diary

hi guys... you are about to enter into a very personal document. It's Niall's diary. Don't panic now. enjoy...

Song for this chapter

        Right now - One Direction

 

 

(Niall's POV)

Mr. Diary,

You are the only one to listen to my heart without questioning me. I’m lost and there’s no one to tell my feelings. It happened again, but this time it gave more meaning.

I’ve been trying my best since the day I lost my hope of living. I thought I found everything I was awaiting for all my childhood. But then, it abandoned me drowning my heart and soul in a deep dark hole. My family is the only reason for my stopping. Everything else, just push me hard for an unknown destination.

My four brothers trying hard to keep me occupied. The management keeps me occupied. The fandom backs me up to stay in tune. For once I thought they love me for who I am but the person inside me is so much complicated than they know. Running after us, doing every possible stunt to get noticed by us, sometimes make me think why such dedication for five ordinary guys? I though they are who they are, but they are not. They transformed into aliens with high spirit and do things that no one in the world does. Knowing that I’m one of the reasons for such insanity makes me sick of myself. For four years I’ve been followed by them and when I compared the freedom I had when I was home makes me grieve.

When it all started to grow the name, the fandom and the money I thought I’m the luckiest of all. Everything is like a dream and for four years I’ve been living in it with such hope. By the time, I missed one thing that every celebrity or every teenage boy wanted in their life. When I recall that moment, it was so magical at the beginning. I saw her as a real life princess. With her wide smile she came closer to my life. For months she filled my days with sweet words and kisses. Her perfect voice and the figure made me go wild. Everyone looked at her with awe. I watched her being admired by the others and nobody walked pass her without a second glare. She was born to be admired, but when I found her in my apartment unconscious, I knew her beauty is just to disguise herself from the real devil inside. She was nothing but a drug addict. She never paid kindness to anybody. Not even to her family. She was full of arrogance and jealousy. Her yearnings were filled with poison ivy. Never thought twice to fall on to another man’s arm. And she never regretted it. I tried my best to hold her and rescue her from her miseries, but it was only mine. She never admitted her faults.

Not everybody’s the same, but my trust shattered with the incident and my heart froze with regret and hurt. The media saw me as a fool for dating such a maniac, but they didn’t know what I went through. How can I figure out a person from the first meeting? I’m still an immature 22 years old boy. We all make mistakes, but why do they have to blame me for everything? Is it because I’m a celebrity?

Well… Why am I writing the same incident again? It’s been hidden for a long time. Something made my wound open again. To be exact it’s somebody. Yes. Remember I told you about an unusual mugging? A girl ran away with my pizza slice? I didn’t want to inform this to Paul but Harry couldn’t keep his mouth shut either. So with my disagreement, they called her for an inquiry. What I get to know is that she’s working in the fashion department and she was on leave that day. I haven’t seen her before, but the moment she entered into the office room, I knew something is not right. Paul is calling her ‘Butterfly’ (Again I don’t know the reason) but she was frightened by our appearance. I have no idea about the reason behind it because staff members don’t usually freak out like our fans. She didn’t see me first, but once our gazes met, she looked down. First I thought she knew she was guilty, but finally it was proven wrong. Paul asked her to describe the appearance and that’s made me realize this whole inquiry is useless. Our staff works way harder than us. And it was my fault to go into their mess hall and grabbing their food. I already had my lunch but when I saw the remaining slices I thought of filling my stomach and it was not right at all.

When she found out her crime she couldn’t believe herself. The little time I got to know her made me understood that she’s fearless to admit her crimes and most importantly defend herself from harsh like a real girl. The way she replied to Harry’s comments, she earned respect from me.

She apologized and waited for a reply. She didn’t look at me. I became speechless, dear diary. I know it’s wrong, but every word of her’s made my mind go blind. Her voice and her appearance brought back my past but only two things changed the personality which haunted me for all these years. Her fearlessness and her deep brown eyes.

She left the room, but I stood standing near Paul’s table like a scarecrow. Her eyes spoke to me. When our eyes met for the very first time, her’s told me to speak up. She wanted to know it all. It carried love with a twist of faith. Did she read my mind? I don’t know. May be she did.

Harry brought me back to my world and I was blamed for not excusing for that innocent girl. Zayn and Louis were behind Liam listening to something with wide eyes and the only thing I heard from that conversation with Paul was that ‘she’s a fighter. They made her fall, got burnt but she got up.’

This mysterious fighter kept me standing here like a looser and left a challenge to myself. Her eyes wanted me to throw back the past and prepare for an inexplicable life yet to come. And I think it’s time to change. But I don’t know how to thank that ‘Butterfly’ for making me believe in second chances.

~Niall~ 

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