BackStage (Niall Horan Fan Fiction)

25. The Lost Heart

(Niall's POV)

From LA we have moved to Seattle, Washington. Everybody, including the staff were all living in separate buses. We had few nights spent in hotel rooms when we were in LA, but with our hectic schedules all of us agreed not to waste money on hotel rooms just to keep them empty. With an unsettled mind hanging over, I did my part in the band. We had more fan meets than usual and then interviews. Among all, we put ourselves into charities so we could actually be happy the way we use our earnings. Sophia joined us last week and that gave all of us a little change. It is normal for the girlfriends to join while we are on tour, so the boys can work and be with their loved ones at the same time. I remembered when Kat joined the group for the very first time. As she was much older than any one of us, she felt like a fish out of the water at first, but the boys and I made sure she was well treated like the other girls. She didn't stay for long as I knew that the road is not for her. And thinking about that now, I realized how the whole universe tried to tell me about the incompatibility between us which I duly ignored.

It was mid-day and we were already busy with our individual work. Harry and Zayn went for a special promotional event organized by Burberry. Louis was out looking for a new pair of Adidas shoes. Liam was out sightseeing with Sophia and I'm on the bus strumming the chords to an unfinished song lying next to me on the couch. We have planned to have the sound check this evening and I could already hear the different sounds echoing from the stadium and far corner, beyond the barriers have been some fans already lining up to hear the rehearsals.

The song I was currently writing is about a letter that expresses the feelings of the writer who was trying to leave a piece of him with his lover till he returns. I tried to sing the last few lines I just wrote.

"... Just a hint of pain

For the feeling that I get when you are gone

I want to write you a song!"

The next line didn't come to my mind in a snap, so while rummaging my brain for some inspiration I looked through the window to spot a girl sitting on a bench outside the boundary, wrapping herself with a scarf. It was comfortably warm inside the bus, but outside it was too cold for anyone not to chill without the help of warm clothes. That visual and the cold atmosphere brought me back to that day. Wrapping that girl with my own hands to make her feel warm.

"So when the world is cold

You'll have a hidin' place you can go

I want to lend you my coat"

At the end of the day, these lines sum up the entire feeling of mine towards that girl, Rachel. And each word fails me to stick to my hard core decision to stay away from her. Things have fallen into pieces where I keep ignoring to pick them up, it was like I have possessed with a plague where the only cure is her voice reaching me with all the warmth and love. I have become so sentimental over the past few weeks and it brings down my shields. She might be somebody else's, but I could not back away without letting her know how I feel for her and that I'm dying every second, not expressing my feelings for once in for all. Since the first unexpected encounter, my heart's been gradually changing without my notice. I'm glad I was there to be robbed by her. I'm glad she broke my guitar, so now I have a part of her with me to hold on to. I'm glad I followed that girl at the bar just to save her from the fear and made her feel safe around me, although I blew it up the same night. Yet, she knows what I want and the way she chose my costumes explained all that. It's now the time after almost seven months to finally admit my feelings for her and let her know that. If she refuses then I would free her, but if her body reacts the way it did that night we almost kissed, then I will be the luckiest person on earth!