always loved you

chapter fourteen

k i e r a n

In the dead of morning, I sit up to find Tailor in the small space between the bathroom door and the frame.

The longer I wait for her to exit the bathroom, the more anxious I become. The words she could say could either tear me apart or make me complete. Only she knows what to say. The memory of her words, the sounds that had escaped her lips...everything about last night makes me want to do it again.

I can't wait for her any longer. I have to know what is going through her mind.

"Tailor?" My voice breaks through the morning gray.

About a minute later she responds, "Yes?"

By the tone of her voice, I can only assume she's exhausted. Who knows how long she's been in there and who knows how long she's been awake?

The only reason she might be hiding in the bathroom is because we had sex last night. I couldn't let her walk away from me again. This could potentially be my only chance to bring her back to me.

"Everything okay?"

Another wait for her reply. "I think...yeah."

She's lying straight through her teeth.

I rise to my feet and open the bathroom door, studying her. Her long hair out of place and her skin is cold at first glance. The yellow shirt she's wearing on her body seems familiar at first, and then I realize that it's mine.

Tailor is wearing my shirt. I forgot the last time I wore that dirty football shirt. It was too small on me now, but seemed big enough for her. The bottom hem of the shirt falls just above where her fingertips reach her upper thigh.

"You sure you're alright?"

Her whole body turns to face me. "I don't think so. I want to go home."

It takes me a moment to process her words. I want to go home.

"Should have known."

"Hm?" Her eyes widen. "Why're you upset?"

I turn to face her, unable to control the sharp tone. "Oh, don't play fucking naïve, Tailor."

"Excuse me?" She responds.

I run a hand through my hair, unable to control the rush in my head. "There is something between us." I stop to let her process my words. "I mean, I think last night proved that, right?" The impatient emotion courses through my skull. "I mean, don't you love me?"

Love should not be complicated in the ways that make you want to forget. I find myself looking into her helpless eyes, the ones I fell for that looked my way all that time ago.

Tailor was once my happiness, but now she's something I can't put into words.

"Kier-"

I cut her off. "Answer the damn question, Tailor." I demand. "Do you still love me?"

I pause to catch my breath. The air feels thick, and my heart is pounding in my chest. "Do you still feel the excitement in your heart when you see me? Do you still feel the urge to call my name to find me in a crowd? Do you still think about me at two a.m. and wonder what I'd do to you if I was beside you? Do you ever wonder if I too am losing myself over you? Do you—"

"Yes!" she cries out, her voice breaking. Tears start to form in her eyes, glistening under the dim light of the room.

An honest answer. No more lies. The raw emotion in her voice, the tears streaming down her face—it's more than I expected. More than I can handle right now.

And I have no idea how to react. My mind is a whirlwind of confusion and emotions. All I can think about is how I want to be alone now. Alone to collect my thoughts and to be without her. The weight of her confession, the intensity of her feelings—it's overwhelming.

Defeated, I say, "I'll grab my keys and take you home." My voice sounds distant, hollow, like it belongs to someone else.

That's all I'm able to say before leaving her in the middle of the room. I turn away from her tear-streaked face, unable to bear the sight of her pain any longer. My steps are heavy as I walk to the hallway, each one echoing loudly in the silence that follows my words.