always loved you

chapter three

photo: tailor's mom, savannah

t a i l o r

This is the part where I admit I haven't been completely honest with myself. Getting over someone who hurt you is a long and hard process. There's plenty of room for mistakes and plenty of time to fix them.

I have been over Kieran for months now. But I know him. I know his past, and I know that he can't do it alone no matter how hard he tries to deny it. That's why I drive past on his house on rare occasions, unknowing if he's parked in the driveway or not.

Perhaps it's a little stalker-ish, but deep down I worry about him. When I lie awake at two in the morning, the anxiety isn't for college applications in the fall or my parents arguing downstairs...it's for him.

That is what brings me here. At the four-way stop beside his house. His car meets mine, and neither of us dare to move. Not out of fear or temptation, but the simplicity of it. Some part of me thinks he walks by me at school for a reason, and maybe I do it too. The possibility that I haven't moved on, or I care too much...or I am this close to being a renounced stalker.

When another car comes to the stop sign, I take it as my opportunity to go ahead and turn, leaving Kieran in the midst of my thoughts.

The lingering thought of him picking up the phone to call me haunts my brain...but the question becomes whether or not I answer.

About fifteen minutes later, I see my mother's car in the driveway. Making my way inside, I smell food and perfume from the kitchen.

"Mom, I'm home."

"How was your day?" She asks while washing her hands.

I sit down at the island. "It was alright, how was yours?"

She adjusts the setting on the crockpot, and I resist the urge to make a disgruntled face. "It was fine."

Conversations with my mother are usually short and to the point. Half of the time we don't even speak to each other unless it's about college or academics. She's been set on Clemson University since that's where she went to school.

I, on the other hand, am not entirely worried about it. I've got an entire summer to think about it.

"Dinner will be ready around six-ish." She informs me, her blonde hair falling gently around her shoulders. If you look past the soft bags under eyes and scratches on her hands, my mother isn't unattractive. If only she took her medicine on time, but she blames Dad for that.

On my way upstairs, Imani texts me about coming over again. There was a point where she didn't have to ask, but since her parents are on the brink of divorce too, we make best with what we've got.

Then again, her dad's cooking is superior. He went to culinary school and owns a restaurant chain in the Lowcountry. I suppose it's because I live on the water, or because she's protective of me due to my neighbor slash ex-boyfriend thing, Caleb Kelsay.

Caleb was the very first boy to ever admit to liking me. First kiss, first boy to give me any kind of attention, first almost everything.

It was a cute little fling we had going on, and since I had known him since moving to Charleston, it was nice to be with someone my parents approved of.

That is, until, he went to jail...

Hot skin pressed against my ribcage...hands on my throat...

Nope, not even going there.

The memory of last summer when Caleb touched me made the town's headlines for about a week. Although he was someone I was close with, my parents made it known to everyone that it was statutory rape and got him sent away for a eighteen months.