always loved you

chapter five

k i e r a n

There are some things in life we can never control, nor be predicated. Life has this funny way of messing with your head in a way you'd least expect it. Your best friend and your ex-girlfriend going on a vacation together for spring break being one of them. I wonder why I didn't sign up for the trip myself, but thinking about it for the hundredth time, Tailor and I are not on speaking terms.

"I cannot believe Priscilla backed out on the trip last minute because her parents are taking her to Mexico instead," Marcus said on the way to the airport that morning.

I'm driving him because he couldn't take his own car for some stupid-ass reason. He was right about Priscilla though...and now I'm alone for my junior year spring break. I can't say I'm not surprised though. Who was I going to hang out with, my dad?

When we arrive to the airport parking garage, I see her. She has her phone in her hand and is trying to get her suitcase out of her car. I shut off the engine and jump out of my car, ignoring Marcus's complaints. Tailor didn't notice it was me right away, so when I was able to help her, she didn't push me away.

"I'm sorry about that," her voice is gentle, a soft chuckle following. I succeed in pulling her suitcase out of the back of her car without feeling any anger towards me radiate from her.

"Thank you so much!" It's calm too. She isn't angry or annoyed, which could only mean she just woke up less than an hour ago.

I knew I was right. Her hair is down and curly, which meant she washed it the night before and didn't bother brushing it. She was wearing dark-gray camo-printed yoga pants and a white t-shirt with her white Vans. If she was not wearing makeup, or if her eyes were bluer than usual, then that means she didn't get much sleep and overslept.

Jesus Christ, why do I know so much about her?

"Sure thing, anytime." I reply comfortably.

She looks up, and in her eyes, the entire world has fallen apart.

Her eyes were bluer and cloudier than they usually are, which meant she has sleeping issues. Why is this an issue? Why isn't she sleeping well? What's keeping my girl up at night?

"Um..." she brushed a strand of her hair away from her face. "What're you doing here, Kieran?" She's barely able to say my name at the end of that sentence, her train of thought disappearing.

"Don't worry Sunshine, I'm not going on the trip. I was just dropping Marcus off and then heading home." Right when I said that nickname, she looks right at me with a look I haven't seen in forever.

In her face, I can easily see the girl that once belonged to me. The girl who loved going to the beach and didn't mind when she would get sand in her hair. The girl I know who would wear only waterproof mascara to the beach but wear a full face when going out to dinner or to party.

The stars were sparkling in her eyes, but for just a moment, I saw the emotion of loneliness. The fire that once was there was gone, and I just was now seeing it. Was it because of me? Or because of Caleb? What have I done to you, precious girl?

"Um, I better go..." She says in a nervous rush. "Nice seeing you."

"Wait," I say before she goes, grabbing her arm to stop her. I can feel the goosebumps rising on her skin.

She turns around, pulling her arm back quickly. "What the hell do you want, Kieran?"

This is the first time in months that we have spoken to each other, and she wants to argue? I need to say something to her before I don't get the chance again. When are we going to be standing together like this and I not break down inside or piss her off? I knew I should have stopped her when I saw her at the stop sign the other day.