always loved you

chapter one

tailor

Everyone has bad habits. Everyone has those little things about them that makes them human. While some bite their nails, I wish my bad habit was that mundane.

I have a habit of not letting go. That empty feeling of being left behind while everyone else has moved on. If I had known all the things I know now, would anything from the past six months have made a difference? Would I be happier? Would I just be miserable, or would I have enough confidence in myself to decide when enough is enough?

Out of all the things to worry about today, my previous mistakes become more important.

"What's the matter?" Imani finds me in the middle of the hallway on the way back to my locker.

I shake my head. "What're you talking about?"

Imani lightly scoffs. "I know you better than you'd like to admit."

She has a small point. Imani has been my best friend since I moved to Charleston when I was ten years old. I should know better by now to not try to hide things from Imani Dunlap.

I tiredly sigh, "Just class was long. You'd think Mr. Stevens would have loosened up by now in the semester."

"Felt." She leans against my locker. "Hopefully his attitude will change by the time we get back from break."

"He's gonna need more than one week to change that attitude." Setting my large marine science textbook in my locker, Imani's lavender perfume settles in my nose.

Each year the school hosts a last-minute trip to the Florida Keys. Although the entire flight is about three-ish hours, it's still something to do. Better than rotting away in my bedroom.

"It's not anything too special, Imani. They do this every year." I remind her. I wish I had a valuable reason to still go, but my dad paid for the trip at the end of summer as a birthday present.

Imani rolls her eyes playfully. "Squeeze me into your suitcase!"

I'm sure our plans for the week are not that much different. I would much rather have her come with or I stay here. "We have all summer. You'll be just fine." I assure her. "Besides, it's not like I'll have much fun anyway."

She adjusts the strap of her bag. "I overheard that Priscilla and Marcus are going."

It feels like weights were dropped onto my chest. I should have remembered that the school's "icons" were going on the trip, but the reminder still felt like someone hit me. "I don't have to talk to them."

Imani looks down at her acrylic nails before she turns her head and says, "Speak of the devil."

I glance that same direction, and there he is.

Kieran Irwin. Honey-gold hair curled on his sun-kissed skin delicately paired with emerald, green eyes. The most handsome heartbreaker any teenage girl would die for.

Priscilla Hampton walks right beside him, with looks that could kill if she would get her head out of her ass. Kieran's best friend, Marcus Alvarez, trails behind them like a dog on a leash.

They are part of the past I can't seem to let go of.

"Tailor, please tell me you're over him by now." Imani's voice pulls me out of whatever daydream I've lost myself in.

"Obviously." I reply, and this time I almost believe it. What's done is done, and I have worked too hard and too much to let go of him just enough. This time next year, I will be planning to move miles away and none of this will matter anymore...but thinking of what might have been can't be too harmful, right?

The innocent idea of what might have been if the universe had the same plans.

The memories don't consume me as they dd before, but I wish he knew how many nights I spent crying over him. After Kieran, it felt like everything was falling apart. My parents, my grades, my lifestyle – it all changed in the absent blink of an eye.

Where was he when I needed him?

For months, I have been trying to find the girl I used to be before him. I don't need Kieran to make my life better; I am just fine alone.

I'm thankful that this was the end of the day, and all that I needed to do was get in my car to go home.

Imani and I eventually depart after the three of them leave our point of view. I find my white Nissan and climb into the driver's seat, sitting still to catch my breath.

I force myself to remember that he was never going to stay. It was never going to work. Burning the bridge connecting my heart to his was the right decision not just for myself, but for me.

I shift my car into reverse and drive onto the roads that have kept me safe for as long as I can remember.