𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐒 [ 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ] ✘

Ben Solo x reader

Note: Just a short one shot of a girl remembering Kylo, someone who grew up with him when he was still Ben. Also it's based off of Colors by Halsey so yeah :)

Best friends forever. That's the one thing that kept coming to mind. His words, not mine but they were eternal - never leaving my head for a second. Even when he left, they still resounded in my brain. Even when he threw it all away to join the enemy. Tears stung my eyes at the memory. He'd been upset that day. I should've known! I should've known something was different inside him.

That he wasn't the same boy I used to know. That he wasn't little Ben Solo I'd play Jedis with as children, colored sticks in our hands. His normally joyful brown eyes had been darker than usual - like the light in them had been snuffed out by some mysterious force. So full of anger, he was. He didn't even say goodbye to me before leaving. The next time I saw him, a full year later, he wasn't Ben anymore.

He was Kylo Ren now, Dark Lord of the Sith. He wasn't my friend. But somewhere in my heart, I'd hung onto a part of him, kept it locked safely away. That little piece of him that I knew was still good. Still my Ben. When I looked at what he'd become now, it terrified me. He cut down so many good people.

He was going down a path of destruction now that I only hoped he'd make it out alive from. He'd be lucky if he made it to 28 years old. But aside from his darkness, I could still see his beauty. Maybe that was my fault, my own flaw. I had loved him too much. I should never have fallen for him as a teen. At the time though, I could see it clearly - a life with him at my side.

And in the moment, it's what I wanted. But people change - some more than others -and along the way, as you grow, you start to realize that. All I could see was blue though when I saw him now. Like I was enveloped in sadness. Everything was blue. And when I was away from him?

It was all gray - memories, dreams of him, depressing thoughts caused by missing him. But Kylo - if that was what I was to call him now...he's so devoid of color - of the light - he doesn't know what it means. I think it made him blue, too. We all were. Because without Kylo, that boy who'd been loved so irrevocably by so many - we all were blue. I still could remember how he looked every morning when we'd train, the sun filtering down onto his shaggy, dark hair.

The only time I'd ever felt complete were in those days. I still wake every morning though...but it's not to Kylo. He's been trying to turn me to the Dark Side with him for a long time now. And every day, I feel my resolve crumble that much more. Because how much longer can I be devoid of my own colors? How much longer can everything be blue?