𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐒 [ 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ] ✘

Beauty Treatments [AU] [Darth Sidious]

In a galaxy far, far away on a death star as big as a planet in an ominous throne room sat a 20-something-year-old man.

Nothing had gone as his former master had believed it would. Obi-Wan Kenobi had died that day on Mustafar while Darth Vader had been born anew. While Vader retained Anakin's rugged good looks, Obi-Wan had been fried to a crisp in the lava. However, the same could not be said of his new master, Darth Sidious. Not that the man had ever been particularly handsome but now...yikes.

Which is how Vader came to be sitting on the floor, kneeling as he gazed up at Sidious who was perched atop his throne. Hours passed and the silence stretched between them like a yawning chasm as he stared at his master intently.

Sidious shifted uncomfortably in his chair, "What are you looking at?"

"One hundred and twenty eight," Vader mumbled to himself.

"What did you say?" his master asked again, his creepy amber eyes burning holes into his skin.

"Oh, nothing. It's just how many wrinkles you have," he replied, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

Darth Sidious glowered at his apprentice, scowling beneath the dark hood of his cloak. In truth, the whole thing had began as a bet between Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin. However, the bet had made him wonder...

"Have you ever considered using a good wrinkle cream? I've heard it does wonders for the skin. It could really clear some of that up-" he began, cocking his head to the side.

"QUIET!!! I DO NOT NEED WRINKLE CREAM!" Darth Sidious cut him off with a roar of outrage before his voice became calm and soft, "I am beautiful no matter what you say..."

"Just because Christina Aguilera says so does not make it true, master,"

Sidious was about to retort something snarky when the door to the throne room burst open and in strode the imperial physician beckoning him over.

"It's time, Your Imperial Majesty." he intoned solemnly.

Sidious arched an eyebrow...or at least everyone assumed he did. To all watching, it looked as if he arched a wrinkle.

"Time for what?"

But Darth Vader was the one to answer, a grin plastered on his face, "For your appointment."

Hours later, Darth Sidious found himself sitting in a waiting room, his legs crossed as he read Sith Digest. The end table beside him was piled high with a stack of magazines he had already finished: Better Death Stars and Gardens, Podracing Illustrated, Imperial Living, Taste of Naboo, Storm Trooper Weekly, Gungan Housekeeping, and, of course, AARP. The latter of which he had been teased endlessly about by Darth Vader although the publication was said to "explore key life stages after 50" - a fact Sidious had been forced to accept. He was no longer in his youth and had to make changes for a better quality of life.

The bell on the door jingled as yet another patient walked in, taking a seat opposite him. Sidious didn't bother to glance over at the stranger, so absorbed was he in learning "31 Age-Erasing Secrets". It wasn't until the person cleared their throat did he finally look up...and what a surprise he got when he did.

Sitting on the opposite side of the tiny waiting room was Senator Jar Jar Binks. Grinning, he waved to Sidious.

"Hey-o, it's Emparah Palpa-teen!" he greeted the Sith warmly with his characteristic goofiness, "Whatta be bringing you to plaztick surgery?"

Sidious pulled his hood down farther over his face and ignored this, hoping he would drop the subject. But, of course, this was Jar Jar Binks. He may be a Senator now but he still had not outgrown his silly behavior.

Jar Jar raised his voice louder then, putting a hand around his mouth to amplify the sound, "I SAY, "WHATTA BE BRINGING YOU TO PLAZTICK SURGERY, EMPARAH?"

"Would you be quiet?! ...If you must know, I came to the dermatologist office for some touch-ups," Sidious sniffed in response.

"Oooh, they be doin' a lotta touchin' up den! Bossa Nass got touched up justa de udda day. Mesa came in for da same ting. Everbody in da Empieah be touched up dese days!"

He opened his large mouth to continue on when thankfully the nurse came out and Sidious was called back. Tossing Sith Digest onto the stack, he followed the nurse into a room off of the main waiting area. Hopping up onto the crinkly white paper covering the table in the middle of the room as he pulled his hood down completely, Sidious took a look around. The walls were decorated in a typical fashion - multiple doctorates, x-rays, Imperial propaganda, a life-size photo of the Emperor himself. You know, things that were usually found in a doctor's office.

The door opened then and in strode a middle-aged man that looked eerily like Jango Fett. He had fought in the Clone Wars several years back, having earned his medical degree in the field. Whereas once he had been a Commander, he was now Doctor Cody Fett, MD. (He had been applying for a new surname for months now but had been rejected several times).

His head was down, eyes glued to a clipboard in hand, "It says here your name is Sheev Palpa-"

Stopping abruptly, he glanced up with widened brown eyes into the amber-hued gaze of the Emperor and startled, jumped back. Sidious grinned at him amiably as Cody fought to regain his composure.

"I...forgive me, Your Imperial Majesty, I did not realize...If I may be so bold, what brings you to my office?" he asked in a fluster, stumbling over his words.

"My apprentice thought it wise for me to, uh...get a bit of a face-lift. I thought maybe you could give me a couple of injections and send me on my way. You know how it is, Cody - things to do, planets to conquer, etc, so let's get this ball rolling, shall we?"

"With, uh, all due respect, Your Imperial Highness..." he trailed off then, arching one eyebrow as he began to poke and prod at the numerous wrinkles lining Sidious' face, "But it's going to take a lot more than two injections to, um...lift all of this,"

Darth Sidious glared over at Cody, his empty yellow eyes burning holes into the ex-clone.

He faked a laugh, gingerly patting the Emperor on the shoulder, "I was just, um...just messing with you. It won't take longer than...several hours..."

And several hours it was as the Emperor underwent rigorous surgery to beautify his features. After all, the Imperial Academy Awards was coming up soon and he did want to look his utmost best. When finally, the surgery came to an end and he awoke from his anesthesia-induced sleep, Sidious couldn't wait to get a look at himself in the mirror.

Anger shot through him when his eyes alit on his new reflection and in an outrage, he swiped the medical instruments lying on the metal table beside him onto the floor.

"DOCTOR CODY! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" he roared, his fingertips already crackling with force-lightning.

The nurses still in the room all scattered, everyone fleeing in opposite directions to avoid the Sith's wrath. Even Cody, who was a seasoned army veteran himself, shrank back against the wall in fear as he choked out, "He-he said that you-you wanted the same thing a-as him. I th-thought-"

"WELL, YOU THOUGHT WRONG! WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE FORCE MADE YOU THINK THAT I WOULD WANT THIS?!"

Cody looked back at the new and...partially improved Emperor as he stormed out of the building. Soon after, Sidious found himself striding through the double doors of his throne room. Darth Vader was lost in conversation with Grand Moff Tarkin when the sight of the Emperor made him gape at his master.

Darth Sidious sat himself down in his throne and as Vader, with a growing smirk on his face, opened his mouth to speak, his master silenced him with the lifting of one finger. Turning to face him, he glowered at his apprentice.

His nose had been widened as well as his ears which now hung down his back like a pair of curtains. His eyes which were formerly in their usual place now sat atop his head and the only bit of Sidious' old features that remained was his amber-hued gaze. Most of his wrinkles were gone now, it was true, but no one could deny his brand-new uncanny resemblance to Senator Jar Jar Binks.

"Never...again."