Awaited Redemption

...Tuesday Afternoon | Neno

Neno

I looked over the rim of my tea at Griffin, the steam from the still hot beverage making him look as if he was breaking through mist, as if he was emerging from behind the vapoury clouds that obscured him from my vision.

It was as if I was seeing him for the first time. Truly seeing him, with all his flaws, imperfections, and most of all; with his insecurities. I always knew he had them, he had always been one to have a timorous persoanlity, but I never gave it a second thought. I mean the poor kid was suffering through puberty, and on top of it the persistent attitude of his parents.

I never confronted him about it, the spectrum of my life was adjoined with his in a manner that only our borders were gracing the other's, never able to adjoin together in order to blend the two differnet colors which contrasted each other. Never making a new color.

I had my own demons to fight, he had his own; insecure ones.

I never trusted anyone with them, never trusted them with my secrets, nor expected anyone to accept me with my demons.

No trust, no expectations.

The one philosophy that became my sole reason of survival till today.

And I thought that if I was living by this theory, the rest of the world was living through this too.

And at the immature age of sixteen, I thought that Griffin must be using the same coping strategy.

And due to that I never pushed him to speak, or tell me the reason behind his bashfulness.

But now, as I studied my friend since freshman year, I realized just how wrong I was.

I shoul've pushed him then, should've told him to speak to me, or at least to someone else about it.

Should've forcefully pushed through the boundries of his spectrum and blended our colors, I wasn't that far gone then, I hadn't turned that emotionless then, it was the beginning of it, but I still had a fair amount humanity left in me.

Now? Now I don't even know if I was human anymore. I was a zombie. A walking dead.

I shook my head and pulled myself back to the topic at hand.

My past was better of left in the past.

It was time I focus on his, even if only because it was an invitation of escaping my own.

"So are you going to start?" I asked Griffin as he looked up from his phone.

He gave a nod, sucked in a breath, and started speaking.

"I don't even know where should I start from, from the time when I first met you, or from the time when I first left for university, or the time when I actually decided to fight back." Griffin said after releasing a breath.

I didn't say anything. I would, but in the end.

"I-I-I... I always had my insecurities, about everything, like fitting in with the crowd you used to hang out with, sucking myself dry in hopes to earn my parents approval, make them proud, trying to catch anyone's interest. All of it, it all was driving me insane during Highschool. I wanted to be a civil engineer you know? I wanted it so bad! I wanted to contribute to the people and this society, I wanted to do something good for the sake of others, I wanted to provide people with shelter, and most importantly; I wanted to feel loved! But when I put forth my passion in front of my father after finally building up the courage that had four years of philosophical and emotional hard work put into it; my father crunched it into bits as he clenched his fists at the mere idea, as he criticized on how that career holds nothing but fatigue, how when I will work under the beating sun I would regret my decision, I would remember his words and wished the I would've listened to him, and after all that critique, and losing the already lost battle, I had no other choice left but to accept my dictated fate." Griffin let go of a sigh, the dismal he felt during that time was radiating from his posture now.

"So, I did what I was obliged to do; hung my head, drop my shoulders, and let him take the lead as I followed him like an animal who's freedom was bound by a rope that was in the grip of his master." He said with a sarcastic smirk.

"The moment I stepped inside that excuse of a university, it's people, and the programme they offered, I wanted to rotate a one-eighty degree on my heels and run in the other direction! But I stayed put and let him throw me inside. I stumbled and was almost about to fell in when I found a group of guys that caught me. And the most ironic thing was that they caught me when one of them plucked out a cigarette from the packet and forward it towards me as he raised his eyebrow in a questioning, or a challenging manner. I didn't know, but I grabbed it, and as I did; I became a rebel, which earned me my yearned freedom." He said with an evil smile which contrasted the pain in his eyes.

"But this, all of this, these drugs, these piercing, tattoos, all those nameless faces. All of this, it all ruined me man, it all ruined me, I had earned my freedom but I didn't realize until later that what I had fell into was an endless abayas of hungry desires that just kept pulling me in, there was no end, no stop to it! And I didn't know before it was too late that I had turned from being just a prisoner under the care of my parent to a slave of my own addictive desires." He sighed; resigned, exhausted, and being brought to the present after living his past all over again.

He looked out the window, and kept repeating in a low murmur, " It is too late. And there is no turning back now."

We sat in a companionable silence and after he went out the coffee shop; his head hung low, shoulders dropped, as he accepted his dictated reality again.

Too afraid to fight back now and be betrayed again by his own chosen path.

I thought with a bitter taste that how controlling parents can ruin their own child's life without even realizing it.

Just how mine did.

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Asalam O Alikum everyone!

I hope you guys are doing well with everything!

Sorry for the late update! I had been writing this chapter for a while now, so I hope you guys are satisfied...

If not then you can leave a comment and recommend me on how I can improve! :)

JazakAllah Khair for your time!

Take care and keep smiling! It's Sunnah! :)

Oh! One more thing, watch this series, it is on YouTube, just write "MBC Omar series" on YouTube search box and it will come InshAllah!

It is based on the life of Umar (RA), and on the time when revelation came down on Holy Prophet (SAW), it is in Arabic, but also is available with English subtitles, on Youtube.

Watch it if you can, you will be able to feel much more connected with the Sahabas (RA) and the obstacles they faced! And how it was when the Islam first came!

Alhamdulilah!

JazakAllah Khiar for you me patience!

See Ya when I will update again by the will of Allah, soon :)