Awaited Redemption

Thursday | Lexie

Lexie

It had been an endless day of work, and lectures.

I had been running around the university all morning as well afternoon, and due to that I haven't had a chance to eat anything all day.

Now, my stomach was rumbling because secreted acid had found nothing to prey upon.

Before coming to the dorm, I had gone to the nearby restaurant that offered a delicious serving of Chinese food.

I had gotten two packets, one for myself and the other for my room mate.

But I didn't ate there, even when my stomach started protesting. I liked to eat my food where I am comfortable or most likely alone, and restaurant didn't count as one of the places where I could find comfort.

There seemed to be too many people. Too many watchful eyes.

I grabbed my packed food from the side table I placed it at, made myself comfortable on my bed, and opened the styrofoam box.

When I had enough to satisfy my hunger ridden stomach, I slowed the pace at which I was eating, before.

I turned my head, and looked out the window. Half of it was covered in crystallized patterns, and the other half only let the prying eyes of the navy blue sky sneak a peek, combined with nick of solitude from the white street lamp.

I felt the familiar feeling of despair starting to creep up my back, and I soon lost my appetite soon after.

I placed the half-eaten box at the side table, closed the lid, pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, burying my face in the darkened hollowness that had become my life.

Why can't I ever be optimistic? Why does negativity somehow finds its way inside my every thought? Even when I am not thinking, it somehow manages to dart in.

I was starting to get very tired. This was mentally and emotionally exhausting me, and these two combined were leaving lasting effects on my physical health.

I had lost almost ten pounds since the last two too three months, my clothes were starting to get loose, they didn't seem to know where to find the grip. Where to hold on to.

Everything was slipping away.

I didn't even have enough time on me to go and by myself some decent clothes. At least something that could hold onto me.

I took a few deep breaths.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

That seemed to stop the tears, for now anyway.

I pulled my head up, and looked around for my phone.

It was lying on the edge of my bed, near my foot.

I picked it up, and scrolled through the contacts, landing on the number that I hadn't dialled since I took the vow.

Should I?

Should I do it? Really do it?

But it had been so long. What would I say? Would they even pick up? Would they cut the call right after the figure out who is on the other side?

But I needed them. I really needed them.

As soon as my anger had subsided, I wanted to run back and apologize. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to plead for forgiveness. But it had been too late, university had started and then I couldn't go back.

Or maybe I just didn't wanted to. How could I have faced them after all that had happened between us?

But maybe they would understand. If I call them, then maybe they would forgive me, or had already forgiven me. It wouldn't hurt to try? Will it?