Awaited Redemption

Monday Night

Aarifah

It has been a long day, but even after my limbs start screaming in pain, and my mind went numb. Not comprehending anything. I still couldn't shake of the scathing guilt that scorched my insides, and still is.

I changed in my night clothes, and set the alarm.

I lay in my bed, and even before I drifted of to sleep. I touched my heart, and let a few tears escape.

This has been going on since I started university. I keep skipping my Duhr prayer.

I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

I am starting to run out of excuse now. More like lies that I feed myself to put myself a bit at ease, and let go of the pain a bit.

But those lies are getting old. Those excuses being whispered a thousand times over in my mind. My mind cannot fool my heart anymore.

My faith is dwindling.

The time will arrive soon when all of it will come crashing down. In which form I don't know yet. What will trigger it, I don't know yet.

The only thing I know is that when it will happen, the veil will be removed, and ignorance will not be my ally anymore.

With that I drifted of to sleep. My cheeks wet from the tears that were spilled in a silent prayer of forgiveness from Him.

Walid

I went through the text book that was currently sprawled on my lap.

I have to start a new unit tomorrow. Even though we are on track that class has some pretty clever students in it, and they all were very responsible so there is no point in drilling them more for the previous unit.

I turned my head and checked my laptop for any notifications or e-mails regarding my job as an online high school teacher...

I've been doing this since last year.

A year I want to wipe away from my memories, but knew that I couldn't.

My eyes flew towards the time. The clock said 11:59pm.

I closed my book. Shut down my laptop, and raced to my mom's room.

When I reached the bedroom, I knocked lightly.

Her voice told me to come in.

It wavered but it was less than it was a few months before.

I went inside and sit on the bed where she was lying. Trying to go to sleep but failing miserably.

I took her leg and set it on my lap, and started massaging it.

She gave me a shaky smile, and I knew that was my cue to start reciting the Surahs' from the Quran. Like I do every night, so she could fall in a peaceful slumber.

After listing to me recite for a while, her eyes started to drop a bit, her breath slowed, her body became a bit heavier than before, and I knew that she was pulled in.

I still kept reciting, just because it soothed my heart. For my own selfish reason.

We human beings are very selfish. Everyone of us are. In our own ways, for our own reasons.

And I am selfish. Selfish for wanting her, needing her. My mother. I need her to be here for me, with me. To take care of me. Even though I know I've lost every chance of having that luxury, and there is no one else to blame but me.

Lexie

I stared at my phone. My thumb hovering over the number that shouldn't be in my contacts.