Awaited Redemption

Tuesday Night | Lexie

Lexie

I lay in bed, facing the ceiling, my hair hanging of the edge of the bed, suspended in mid-air as I traveled back in time to the first day I met him.

Two years ago. My junior year of High School.

I had always dreamed of getting elected as a president of the Leadership Council, ever since I joined it back in my freshman year, and that year; I finally got the chance to run for it.

When the day finally came, and they announced my name over the speakers with perfect clarity, I was over the moon, and the whole day I kept grinning, my victory full on display, for everyone to guess and know that Lexie Cage reputed herself on what she had dreamed.

That afternoon when I went to collect my greetings from the members of the council, I met him for the first time.

He came over to me, and brought his hand forth for me to shake. His face was blooming with a sweet smile and accentuated side dimple, I can still remember the chaos that erupted inside of me, and after I hold his hand in mine, the chaos doubled.

I was quick to pull away, and the first words poured out of his mouth that were greeted by my ears were, "I lost the election by only one vote, I wonder who that extra someone was who decided to vote for you."

He whispered, winked at me, and disappeared.

The next day he reappeared in front of my locker, and offered to walk me to my Biology class.

I agreed. I shouldn't have.

It all started with that, he asked me out and we started dating after two months of barely developed friendship.

Now? Now, I wish if only I could've been a bit more stronger, had a bit more control over my emotions, if only I could've said 'no', I wouldn't be in the mess I am stuck in now, I wouldn't walk on this earth like a coward, a coward who was scared to take risks, scared to even go near or let alone talk to a boy.

I wish I could rotate the ticking hands of the clock anti-clockwise and stop myself from uttering all those 'yes' and jamming all those nods that I gave to him, which lead to me wasting my life grieving after a guy who wasn't even worth it.

How many things we wish for in this life. How many things we don't wish for. How those wishes turn into regrets, and those regrets turns into wishes.

Wishes we start to crave for, and it almost feels like that if that wish. Only that one wish, that one desire. If only we accomplish that, if only we somehow get that, our life will find its order, but soon after we are granted that desire, that yearn. We regret it.

What is this life? And what is my significance in the world that I live in? Is it just this monotonous routine? Is this the only thing? Is there no one out there who has my back? Who I know won't hurt me? Who I know won't abandon me? Who I can trust, actually trust whole-heartedly and not have the constant fear of getting crushed under their soles as they walk over me?

Does anyone prior to this criteria even exist? Or is it just another dream? Another Illusion? Another wish? Another regret?

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Asalam O Alikum everyone!

I know I know, this is super short and only in Lexie's point of view, but I wanted to give something to you guys.. So you can have hope, InshAllah!

Next will be only in Neno's because there will be a lot of stuff going on with him, and the chapter will be long InshAllah!

Take care and keep smiling! :)