Awaited Redemption

Thursday | Aarifah

Thursday

Aarifah

My cheeks were tinged with a blush, stark against the pale white skin of my face, my nose was red, and was freezing as I struggled to take in air through them, my throat was blocked, and my hands were frozen to the point where it felt like needles were being poked on the tips of fingers.

I rubbed my hands together in a desperate attempt to find some warmth in the friction of the movement. I pulled the wool beanie towards my face a bit more to cover my ears as much as I possibly can through them.

The weather was getting chilly as each day passed by, but I wasn't the one to complain.

Winter had its own qualities that can't be compared to other seasons, just as autumn, spring, and summer had their own.

My face was ducked and I was staring at the cemented path as I made my way towards the bus stop. I could almost feel the soft cottonish feel of the snow that dusted the path, through my heavy soled boots.

It left me feeling giddy, and I resisted the urge to bent down, remove my glove, and feel the snow against my bare Palm.

SubhanAllah. How great was He!

He made this world a beautiful place for us to live in. He didn't made this world hideous or ugly, instead He made it magnificent. So we could appreciate it, appreciate Him. Be grateful to Him that He didn't left us in a place that would've been the cause of our dampen moods or frowned eyebrows. He have placed comfort for us in everything that He had created for us.

How great my Lord was!

But I could relate that when a person didn't have to struggle to achieve or gain something, the value of that thing loses its significance in their life, that same thing which would mean a lot more to a person who had to struggle to achieve it.

Human beings take things for granted very easily. They didn't stop to think and ponder upon just what it was they didn't value, but other's did, and they didn't mind losing it, and they lose a great deal just on the mere thought that, they didn't have anything worth losing.

The thought inevitably brought back memories from the past and before I knew, I was reliving it all.

I still remember how my mother always used to tell me to pray as soon as all of my family would stand up to do as well, she would shout as she was making Wudu, or tying the Hijab on, as she stood on the prayer mat, getting ready to pray.

I would hear my name from a distance, and then I would run back and ask my mom the purpose of her calling my name, and she would just say, "Prayer time, come and pray."

My first instinct used to be to run away so fast that she wouldn't be able to catch me and I would somehow miss the prayer.

But that used to be just a wishful thinking of an eleven-year-old, and because I couldn't escape it, I used to do everything from performing Wudu to finishing my prayer, at the speed of lightning, and before my mother would've even completed her first rakah, I would've been done with my whole prayer.

The consciousness came after a few years passed, but it still wasn't as strong.

It still isn't as strong.

My mind still wanders off as I pray, I start to think of other things, I couldn't still be able to grab the whole idea, cannot be able to let the realization reach its potential as I stand in prayer. It gets hard for me to understand and realize that I was standing in front of the Lord of the worlds and reciting His Words. I didn't tremble, my knees didn't grow week. My eyes didn't shed tears, and this thought made me teary-eyed.

I had started to take things for granted, the acceptance have come that I have taken things for granted. The blessing He bestowed upon me as granted.

The acceptance is there, but no redemption, and no clue as to how I would bring myself to be redeemed.

I was just waiting, waiting as the clock ticked by, for the loss, the realization, the love, to hit me square in the face, so it would bring the determination of redemption with it.

And I would be able to mend the years lost in my ignorance of the truth.