Fly,Fly butterfly

16

Gripped

Tumawa si Koa at humiga, tinitigan niya ang mga bituin, kumislap ang mata niya at tumingin sa gawi ko, nag katinginan kami. He smiled at me and averted he's gazed into the stars again.

I averted my gaze into the stars and watch them twinkle.

"Can you play something, happy?" He said still watching the sky.

"Happy? I don't know any... except Happy birthday?" He chuckled and fix he's hair before he sat.

He stared at me and gesture me to sing. I don't know any pero pwede na siguro ito.

Nag strum lang ako pero hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga. Should I sing Happiness? Or Happy birthday? Tumawa ako. Happy birthday na lang I want to see how would he react.

Happy Birthday to you! , Happy Birthday to you! , Happy Birthday , Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to youuu..

Tumawa siya at kinuha ang gitara sa pag kakahawak ko.

The night is darkest just before the dawn
Sometimes you need to stop and go back
Just to carry on
There's no need to feel defeated
So don't let it get you down
Sometimes the only way to get home
Is to turn around.

He sang the song slowly, like how would you sing if you're try'n to make a baby fall to sleep. Soft and cold... he just looked at the guitar and enjoy every lyrics that he is singing.

So if you're frozen in the cold
And you got nowhere to go
You're unsure, and it's unclear
How you got here on this road
There's no need to be afraid
Help is just one breath away
So swallow you pride
Put fear aside
And call out Jesus' name.

He let his eyes fixated into me and let his hands do its thing on the strings of the guitar. Nag katinginan kami. Walang bumitaw, naputol lamang nag biglang nawala ang nag sisilbing liwanag namin ang cellphone ko. Ngunit kahit ganon hindi parin siya tumigil sa pag kanta.

The night is darkest just before the dawn
Sometimes you need to stop and go back
Just to carry on
There's no need to feel defeated
So don't let it get you down
Sometimes the only way to get home
Is to turn around.

Kinapa ko ang cellphone, tumingin tingin ako sa gilid upang hindi na mag tama ang mata namin ng pa liwanagin ko muli ang flashlight ng cellphone, tumunog ang alarm ko at kailangan ko ng uminom ng gamot, ngunit hindi ako tumayo at umalis sa pag kakaupo, na natili ako at tumingin sa payapang kalangitan. Napaka ganda. Naka tingin lang ako sa alapaap at hindi namalayang natapos na ang tugtog.

I looked at Koa with sleepy eyes. He just stare and let his attention again dive into a calling stars in the bright sky. Linigpit ko ang mga gamit gaya ng payong kinuha ko ito sa likod namin at pinindot sa hawakan upang sumara, napatingin si Koa sa'kin ngunit agad din namang pinabayaan. Kinuha ko ang gitarang inilapag niya sa blanket, inilagay ko ito sa bag at ipinatong sa damuhan. Humalukipkip akong na higa  na ang bag ang nag sisilbing unan. Inangat ko ang kamay at hinayaang iguhit ang puso sa mga bituin. Ngumiti ako.

Kailan kaya ako magiging masaya? Siguro tama nga ang kinanta niya kailangan ko lang lunukin ang pride at tawagin ang ngalan niya kapag nahihirapan ako, kailangan ko lang tumingala sa ulap at i-surrender ang lahat ng problimang dinadanas.

"Sometimes happy songs would make your problems ease when you  listen to it." He said while smiling looking at me.

I laugh without humor and let my eyes see the twinkling stars.

"As you said sometimes, hindi always. Kaya bakit pa 'ko aasa kung hindi rin naman palagi?"

Bumaling siya sa'kin "Mas mabuti ng maranasan kahit minsan lang kaysa naman araw-araw may ganoon ba? Every emotions should be equal hindi lang dapat puro saya kundi kailangan may lungkot din para balanse."

"Okay. But the question is..." I stare at his eyes. He stared back.

"How do we balance it? How to control it? How to be happy and not forgetting sadness? Can you teach me how? Because every moment in my life all that have been surfaced were sadness." I am lost. I am drown... shy for those who keep an eye on me. Nahihiya akong humingi ng tulong at sabihing hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ko na kaya! Ayuko na maging malungkot...

Iniyuko 'ko  ang ulo sa'king mga tuhod at dinama ang hanggin. Uminit ang sulok ng mata at hinayaan na namang umagos ang luha.

Koa embrace me and whisper "you'll be healed. In God's grace. Just let yourself embrace the pain, the joyce. Just trust all in him. Trust in me. I'll be here always." Patuloy sa pag agos ang luha at hindi niya 'ko binitawan hanggang sa natuyo na ang lahat ng likido sa mata.

Inangat ko ang mukha at niyakap siya. Sometimes having someone in you that can be always there whenever you need them can make yourself happy. Sometimes being dependent to someone is okay!. Yes you'll trace those foot marks alone to reach the destinations you've been finding, but in every foot marks there is pain, there is challenges you may face and some challenges are hard to surpass, you need someone to cheer you up until you reach those destinations, someone who'll motivate you, support you and even you are crawling through blades that someone will help you with a smile in their lips. Proud of you because you have surpass the boss level.

"Thank you" I said as I surrender my trust in him. I'll now grasp the things he said, I won't loosen. Thank you... for believing in me, even though there is no assurance.

I trace circles when I looked up into the stars. Umangat ang sulok ng labi ni Koa.

"What a cry baby" he said and laugh.

"Heh!" Pinunasan ko ang mga butil ng luha sa gilid ng mata.

Natahimik kami, tanging ang nag sasayawang mga dahon at damo ang naririnig...

"Andito lang pala kayo! Kanina ko pa kayo hinahanap." Bigla upo ni Eli sa gilid ni Koa. Eli smiled but I did not. Linigpit ko ang bag at inilagay sa balikat. Tumayo ako ng hindi mag papaalam at tinalikuran sila.