Thorns Of The Past.

Brave Decisions.

We fall. We break. We fail. 

But then...

We rise. We heal. We overcome.

~next day, too early morning, Ancient Moon Stone Pack~

Edgar's pov

I stand on my place motionless and observe everyone getting scattered towards different directions. They are going back to their homes and families.

We just returned, as winners, as every other time!

Preston and Zion head straight to the pack house where Maren and Hanna are waiting for them at the door with the boys and Lucille, but I don't follow them. I don't feel ready yet, I need time to calm down before I join them, but in addition, I don't want to leave my deer yet, I missed it all these years and my change of mind earned its support. We are together again.

I smile weakly when the boys get buried in their mates' hugs and the kids join them and then I turn to Lucille, since I feel her eyes on me. The distance between us is big, the darkness and quite heavy rain put more obstacles to my vision as well, and I can't read her expression so well, but I sense every emotion of hers and my heart hovers from pride and relief in my chest, but this isn't enough to erase the pain, regret and guilt.

Everything is my own fault and the more I realize what my actions could have cost to me and them, the more desperate and devastated I feel. I did it, I'm to be blamed for...

I exhale, feeling like I'm drowning and turn on my right, where my deer stands proud and strong. It makes one step to get closer to me and I raise my wet bare, dirty from dust, blood and mud right hand to caress its forehead. It doesn't pull back, it allows me to touch it and the second I do, I close my eyes, my skin shudders and I hold back a sob.

I can't bear it, it's killing me.

How could I do that to my own blood, my son, my greatest hope and pride? How could I chase him away and almost kill him? How was I standing his absence when I was bleeding inside and I always knew that he was innocent?

Yes, he is innocent! I know my son, I always did, but back then I was so angry that I couldn't calm down and think wisely about it. I lost my temper, I felt... Betrayed.

Now I have no doubt about what took place between him and that 'woman' that night, I know the truth, my heart does. Arthur was tricked, she did something to him and I abandoned him when he needed me and my acceptance and support the most. I'm an awful father, who doesn't deserve anything and anyone.

I lost my son, but he is only the first one, because that day I lost Lucille, my deer and my other two sons with their mates. I lost my family, I was a monster for them, a cold, strict, cruel man. Then, I started losing the pack... Nobody approved of what I did to Arthur, but I was the Alpha and nobody dared to react. Some years later I lost Kaden, too, because my brave rebel took many things from Arthur and his father's, Preston's excessive, loud and explosive personality. Only he was able to stand opposite of me and disagree, but too soon Nash joined his side and I was left only with Tanner. I could see that he wanted his uncle as well, but his love for me was always keeping him silent. He preferred showing me love and understanding than attacking me.

All these aren't the only I lost though...

The fact that I lost my only granddaughter, my Arthur's only child, our little one, will be always hunting me. I missed everything from her life, I never was there for her, I did nothing for her, I even wanted to hide her existence from everyone and then forget her like I could bury the secret and pretend I knew nothing.