Memories Bring Back You

Chapter 6

!TW!

"Mer. I'm not mad at you. But you do need stitches."
"Ok. But can you get this over with?"
"No. Because I can't leave you unattended."
"Why?"
"Empty out your pockets."
"I don't have anythi-."
"Empty them."
"Here."
"A scalpel?"
"Yes. Now can you just go get the supplies?"
"Not yet. Who do you talk to about your problems?"
"Jax. But I don't talk to him anymore becau- never mind."
"Ok."
"Wait. What are you doing?!"
"Calling him."
"NO! His cries! His voice! You- you can't. Not him!"
"What? Do you have a crush on him?"
"No. I'm with Derek. He is just my best friend. I can't do this to him. Not again."
"Again?!"
"Shit. Okay. You know to much. I don't care about the stitches. You can just go on with your day and pretend like nothing happened."
"Mered-." I was out the door.

I knew I needed help. I don't want anyone to know that though. And now Addison does. I just hope she doesn't speak of it.

That's when it hit me.
I need to make a move.
My choices are simple.

Life.
Or
Death.

Either way, it's not going to be easy. If I choose to live, I have to deal with the coddling, therapy, rumors, lovey dovey crap.

But if I choose death, I can escape. I can feel better. Then again, no one can know. And the screams most likely will not leave my head whilst doing it.

I have to make a choice.
Leave.
But Derek will be upset.
Do you really believe that?
Jackson's screams.....
Please. He only wanted to look good.
Please stop.
Pathetic.
"I SAID STOP!"

Shit.

Good thing I'm in the residence lounge.

The only other person in here is Alex.
"You good Mer?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I'm on the phone."
"Oh."

Whatever. He can believe me or not.
"Bye Alex."
"Buy Mer. I'm coming over later."
"Uhh. Ok."

Great.

I pack up and head to my house. As I'm about to pull into my driveway, i realized, I couldn't stay here tonight.

I turned my car back on and left.

I decided to check into a hotel.

Around 3 hours later, I check my phone.

12 unopened messages
45 unanswered calls

Derek: Meredith. I'm worried. Where are you?
Derek: Mer.
Derek: Are you ok?
Cristina: where are you?
Cristina: You better not be dead.
Alex: Mer, where are you? Derek and Cristina are freaking out.
Alex: Were you actually on a call? Are you ok? Are you in a state again?
Jackson: Mer! Where the hell are you! You're scaring me!
Jackson: Answer! I just need an answer!
Jackson: Please Mer. Please say that you are alive and just avoiding everyone instead of lying on the ground!
Jackson: MEREDITH!
George: Are you ok? Where are you?

I felt bad. Especially for Jackson. He has gone through this. So have I. He must be terrified.

I grabbed my bags and headed back home. On the way there, I thought of different excuses.

The one that kind of sounded reasonable was, I went to pick up my mother's things.

I pull in. Jackson rushes out and to my car.
"Where the hell have you been!?"
"I went to pick up some of my dead mommy's things. I took them to her old house."
"Oh. Thank god. You might not want to check all of your texts." Cristina said.
"I already have. Thanks for thinking I killed myself by the way."
"Sorry."
"It's ok. Why did you guys freak out so much?"
"Because we are your family, is there something we should know?"
"No. Nothing. Just....curious."
"Ok." They both said.

We all went inside. I tried my best to avoid any questions about my problems. Finally, they all went home. Don't get me wrong, I love them. I just really don't want any more people knowing.

"Hey Mer?"
"Yeah?"
"You weren't picking up your mom's things. Were you?"
"No. No I wasn't. But I'm ok. I promise."
"Ok." 

He pulled me closer to him, tightening his grip. And we fell asleep.

To be continued.
Thank for the collab with meredithgreyswife