Memories Bring Back You

Chapter 14

Mer's POV  ⚠️TW

There are reasons that I do what I do. For example, I would never agree to therapy. Ever. But then again, unless I wanna be in the coo coo's nest then I kinda have to agree.

Even though I am still in the hospital, I have my first session today. Why can't people leave me alone? Watching westerns and cooking shows is boring enough.

Dr. Wyatt came in.

"Hi Dr. Grey, is there a specific name you want to be called?"

"Dr. Grey is fine. Gives me some power, I guess."

"Ok, we need a treatment plan. For a few things actually, but right now, we will just work on some goals and time assessments until your physical."

"What?! I didn't ask for a damn physical!"

"Based off of your medical files and blood tests, you have a major weight deficiency."

"I said no."

"You don't have much of a choice here Dr. Grey."

"Get out." I started breathing really heavy and I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack.

"Dr. Grey, calm down. You're ok."

"Derek. Jackson. Please." I said in between breaths.

Derek and Jackson came through the door and rushed to me. I think Dr. Wyatt left for now.

"You're ok Mer. It's ok." Jackson hugged me.

"I-I can't."

"You're ok. It's ok. Just breathe." Derek kissed my head and held my hand.

"O2." I managed to choke out. Jackson grabbed the mask and held it to my face.

After a couple of breaths, I was ok so I pulled the mask off.

"I'm ok."

I turn on my side away from the door and start crying myself to sleep....again.

"Love ya Mer." Jackson said.
"I Love you Mer." Der said.

"Mhm."

I felt a really desperate need to cut. I look outside my window and there is one nurse that just left to a coding patient.

I stand up really fast and instantly regret it because I got really dizzy. Once I steadied myself, I quietly walked around the corner to a supply closet.

"Where is it damn it."

"Hello? Is anyone in here?"

Derek. Shit.

I duck down under a shelf so he doesn't see me.

"Ok." He walked out.

I finally found the box I'm looking for and grab the blade.

Disposable blade. Only use once.

I shove a few in my pocket and walk out. Just in time for the nurses to come back into the station. I hook myself back up to the IV. I might hate it, but if I wanna get out of here, I have to use it.

I have already wrote down all of the calories in it so I just have to exercise or cut back and I should be ok.

I take one of the blades and create parallel lines on my arm. Cutting open some old healing scars.

When I'm done, I throw the blade away and I realize that my gown doesn't cover my arm.

I apply pressure to my cuts and wrap my arm. If they ask, I'll say that they switched IV sides. They might not believe me, but it's worth a try.

Derek, Addie and Jackson, George, Izzy, Cris and Alex walk in with a few more people.

"You can go home."

"Really?"

"Well, kind of. You're still coming to my house." Addie said.

"Yeah. Whatever."

"Mer, it's for your own good."

"I don't care. Obviously, if I cared about my own good, I wouldn't be here, would I? No!"

"Mer, sweetheart. We all want you to get better. We don't blame you for anything at all." Addie chimes in.

I'm not sure what kind of relationship I have with her. It's definitely not the kind of relationship you think of when you think of your husband's ex-wife.

"Fine whatever."

I give up all the fight I have. I'm a good liar. I always have been. They can think they are helping me while I continue to stay healthy.

"Dr. Wyatt is coming back in to finish your session, Mer."

"Yipee! Just gotta love therapy!" I say, in a very sarcastic tone.

"Mer."

"Ok. Fine."

They all leave but are soon replaced with a calm therapist.

"Feeling better Mer-Dr. Grey?"

I just nod.

"I'm going to ask some questions. You don't have to answer. This is your time. Feel free to ask questions too."

Another nod.

"4 years ago, what happened?"

"I tried to kill myself." I mumbled. It was barely audible.

"How did you do it?"

I just realized, I never have mentioned how I did it. If Jackson hadn't found me, he wouldn't have known either. I don't even think he knows everything.

"With a blade and a bottle."

"Can you be more specific?"

"I took my mothers scalpel kit and cut. Everywhere. Arms, legs, shoulders, thighs, stomach, everywhere. Not small cuts either. Deep, big cuts. I then popped some pills in my mouth. Antidepressants and anxiety meds to be specific. Not a normal dose though considering how I wanted to die." I say in a somewhat cocky tone of voice.

She finishes typing her notes into her tablet.

"You said wanted."

"Excuse me?"

"You said you wanted to die. Do you still want to?"

"That's none of your business. And no. No I don't."

"Ok." She didn't sound like she believed me.

"Can I go home now? I was supposed to 30 minutes ago."

"One more question."

"Whatever. Ask."

"What is under your bandage on your left arm?"

"A small place from where they switched arms for my IV." I said quickly.

"That sounded very rehearsed."

"Been there, done that. Kind of know the rules around these things."

"Ok. You can go. I want to see you every other day for a new session."

"Mk."

Finally.

To be continued...
Thanks so much for reading! Also thanks meredithgreyswife for the collab. So sorry for the lack of updates! Leave some ideas! Muah!