Good At Surviving || Bucky Barnes ||

Chapter 30

"Hey hey hey! Buck!" I said worried as I sat up and turned towards him.

He was still asleep. His screams were full of terror and pain. He was shaking and drops of sweat were dripping down his face.

"Wake up!" I said, now much more loudly and shook his shoulder, hoping that this would wake him up.

No luck with that. "Dammit Buck please wake up!" I now shouted as I gently slapped his cheek a few times.

He opened his eyes and I let out a sigh of relief. I thought that now he was finally okay.

Suddenly he raised his mental arm and grabbed me by my neck.

"B...Buck... s..s..stop. I..it's m-..me..." I tried to let out those words as his grip got stronger and quickly I wasn't able to speak or even see clearly.

I tried kicking him but it only made him more violent. He slamed my head against the wooden floor, still holding me by my neck as he raised his other fist above my head to end it all with the last punch.

At this point I couldn't even try to struggle. I was in so much pain and he was too strong. I had no chance against him.

I opened my eyes for the last time. Ready to see him for the last time.

Our eyes met. At first they were cold, lifeless and dark.

Then it hit him.

He let go of my neck immediately and I could see panic in his eyes.

I tried to catch my breath as I coughed like crazy. I sat up as tears streamed down my face. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't breathe properly, it was all just gasping for air and coughing.

He kneeled down next to me. "I'm so sorry ... I'm so sorry..." he cried out as he tried to help me but there was nothing much he could do. "I had a nightmare and the next thing I was ... please be okay... fuck I'm so sorry." he explained in a hurry and panic as he kept rubbing my back.

After a few minutes I was finally able to breathe again. I tried to speak but my throat was completely dry and sore.

I looked at Bucky's way but avoided his look. "Water please." I mouthed and gestured with my hands to make it more clear.

"Yes of course. I'll be right back." he said quickly and ran to the kitchen. He filled the glass with water and ran back to me. His hands were shaking almost as much as mine.

I took the glass and took a sip of water. The first few sips were extremely painful and I coughed up some blood.

"You need a doctor. You need to go to the hospital." Bucky said quickly as he rubbed the back of his head.

I shook my head. "No..." I whispered with a raspy voice and took another sip of water.

"You are hurt. You need to get checked." he insisted.

"I said no!" I said now much more louder but my voice was still pretty raspy. I put the glass on the floor next to me as I looked up and took a deep breath.

"Mia I'm really sorry for what happened and-..."

"It wasn't your fault." I interrupted him while still looking up.

He closed his eyes for a moment. "But then again... it was."

"You didn't do it on purpose."

We both stayed quiet and I could feel his worried eyes on me. But I, for some reason, couldn't look at him. Not yet.

I stood up and tried to keep my balance as the room got blurry. Bucky stood up immediately to help me stand still.

When he touched me I shuddered. He obviously noticed it and quickly lose the grip.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered and looked at him. He was completely devastated.

"I didn't mean to.." At this point I didn't know what to say to make him feel better.

I didn't mean to shudder. I knew he would never do that to me. He would never hurt me, he proved that many times before. It was a nightmare, judging by his past, it could even be a memory in a dream. No matter what happened I loved him just the same.

I wasn't scared of him.

Or was I?