Good At Surviving || Bucky Barnes ||

Chapter 34

I took a deep shaking breath as I tried to think.

No matter what I said, no matter what I did or how much I tried, things between us always ended the same way.

He saw himself as a threat. His mind kept convincing him that he was and always will be a killing machine.

I knew that wasn't true. And I tried to make him realise that. But either he didn't believe it or he wasn't ready to accept it.

I've seen the real Bucky. I knew it was there. But the part of him that Hydra kept destroying for decades always ended up keeping real him in it's shadow.

"I want you to know that I will never give up on you. And I think, that this right now is a complete nonsense..." I closed my eyes for a moment as I nervously cracked my fingers . " ... but I also respect you and your decisions. So if you really want me to leave, I will." I opened my eyes again to see his reaction.

He was still turned away which really upset me.

"Also know that this is the last time we are having this discussion. If you want me to leave, I will and you'll never see me again." I added as I nervously ran fingers through my hair.

He once again stayed quiet.

"Say something." I said quietly since I really wanted to know what was he thinking right now.

He finally turned towards me and nodded. "This will be the best for you."

"Only I know what's the best for me and that's not it." I said as I got horrible heavy feeling in my stomach. I swallowed, hoping that the feeling will go away. It didn't. It might have been even worse.

Without any spoken words, I took my good old rucksack and made my way out.

I opened the door as I turned towards him for the one last time.

He was completely broken but it didn't seem like he regretted his decision.

"Tell me you hate me." I said, holding on to the doorknob, looking at his eyes.

"I can't lie to you." he replied after a moment of silence, confused by my request.

"I need you to hate me. Please. Tell me you hate me and I'll go. This is the last thing I'm asking you to do ... for me." I said with a shaking voice.

"Why do you want me to say that? You know it's not true." he kept avoiding my strange request.

I smiled sadly and looked down. "So everytime I think of you I will remember that and ... hopefully one day I will get over you. Never forget you, but at least try to live my life without you."

Bucky didn't respond to that. He rubbed his face as he leaned against the wall, looking down.

"Please." I said one last time as a single tear dropped from my eyes.

He raised his head back up. His broken eyes met teary mine as he spoke, "I hate you Mia."

I closed my eyes, quickly nodded as a thank you and closed the door behind me.

Slowly I started walking down the stairs as I heard a loud noise. Just as if someone punched the wall in anger or ... sadness.

I knew where it came from.

I looked at Bucky's door for the last time and then ran down the stairs.

I just wanted to leave quickly. Run away from it. Escape it all.