Tricks and Treats

17 - You Once Held My Hand

Niki was in her mid twenties. Emotions circulated in her mind at a rapid rate, clouding rationality and paralyzing morality. A sword at hand, tears down her cheeks, body shaking, and shivering through the cloak around her shoulders, Niki stared down Tommy with so many emotions. More than she knew to do with or able to understand.

"How?" It a broken word spoken in a broken voice by a broken girl. "How are you still alive? Why can't you stay dead? Why are you alive when he isn't?!"

He understood exactly what she meant. Why was Tommy alive if Wilbur wasn't? He might have died insane and a war criminal, but Wilbur was once a proud and charismatic leader who rallied troops. Tommy had trusted Wilbur completely with his life. Tommy had slaughtered men on battlefields for Wilbur and his L'Manberg dream. Niki had cared about Wilbur, a long time ago, just as she cared about them all.

"Why are you alive when L'Manberg is gone? Why do you get to live without paying the consequences for everything you have done?" Niki yelled out, shaking her head as tears continued to stream down without restraint.

"L'Manberg was a dream that died long before the war," Tommy whispered quietly, feeling like he shouldn't speak at all. Niki was venting more at him than to him.

"Shut up!" Niki yelled at Tommy, startling the boy to the point that he flinched back. "You don't get to say that. L'Manberg could have been something great, but you brought it down with your drama."

"It was brought down by its people's suffering. Me, Wilbur, Tubbo, Fundy, Eret, Jack, you... L'Manberg couldn't do what it was meant to. We all felt pain even when we rested in the protective walls," Tommy argued, trying to keep his voice light. He didn't want to open the floodgates of his emotions that he spent years holding back.

"Not true... I didn't feel pain until L'Manberg was taken from me," Niki whispered, anger taking the strongest hold. Every other emotion- sadness, fear, resentment, surprise, hope- they took a backseat.

"It was never yours, Niki. It was never mine. It was all Wilbur. It was his unfinished symphony. It was his dream. It was his hope. It was a home for his son, a place for fun for his brother, a place for freedom for his friends. L'Manberg was more than a country, it was Wilbur's life force. When he went insane so did L'Manberg. When L'Manberg died so did Wilbur," Tommy explained, putting into words the thoughts that had lingered since the explosions went off.

"Don't say that," Niki whispered, tears pooling in her eyes again as sadness took the reins. "I miss them both so much."

"We all do," Tommy reasoned.

"No, no, you don't. You care more about your disks than you did L'Manberg. You don't even care about your friends that much!" Niki called out, resentment flaring in her brown eyes.

"You mean the friends that abandoned me? The friends that betrayed me? Killed me? Manipulated me? Almost pushed me to suicide several times? Those friends? I should care more about them than the things that actually bring me comfort in this godforsaken world?!" Tommy snapped. All the anger came rushing out. His rage at his mother, Philza, Technoblade, Wilbur, Dream, Sam, the Dream SMP armies, Tubbo, Ranboo, Jack, Niki, and so many other people that damned Tommy.

"You know what, Niki? You want me dead that badly? You think that I still haven't paid for what I've done? You have a sword right there and I have no armor. Do it," Tommy said, eyes narrowing as he walked towards Niki. She stumbled back. He grabbed her wrist, lifting it up until the point of Niki's sword was pressed against his shirt. "I've suffered so much, Niki. Out of everyone, I thought you would see that. The toll of war is enough a crime to justify starting it, but I've gone through worse than that. And for what? Nothing. I have no one. I have no where to go. I have not a single good memory anymore. I don't have a shred of hope or optimism."

Niki looked taken aback, but Tommy's grip was tight. She couldn't move back even if she wanted to. Her hand trembled, the sword catching on the fabric of Tommy's shirt. It tore as Niki tried to break Tommy's grip. Tommy stared with cold eyes. "What are you waiting for? Isn't this what you wanted? Don't be a coward now, arsonist."

Silence. Niki remembered the L'Mantree, lit up with brilliant red flames from her torch. Words echoed in her head, ones spoken by Eret and Wilbur. "It was never meant to be."

She didn't believe those words. If her actions were any indication. Niki believed that L'Manberg would have survived if it wasn't for Tommy. Maybe that was true, but those words meant that L'Manberg would always die. Niki spoke untrue words, wanting to believe them but unable to. Why wasn't she able to?

"You were my sister, Niki. You held my hand. You let me bake cookies with you. I went to the forest to find berries for you. You stayed in my room when I had nightmares, and let me sit in your lap when we all watched horror movies. You would kiss my wounds, calling them booboos, and saying that if the pain was too much, we'd chop it off. You made me laugh. You wiped away my tears. You helped me with chores. You told me stories. You listened to my ramblings. We danced in the kitchen, Niki, to those discs you despise me so much for. I loved you then, and I love you, now. If you want to kill me, I will accept death. I will return to hell with Wilbur, Schlatt, and Mexican Dream," Tommy whispered, grip loosening. "I was never meant to be."

Niki dropped the sword. She hit her knees while sobbing, wrist held up by Tommy. At Wilbur's grave, Tommy and Niki laid out the emotions that should have never bottled up. Niki remained on the ground crying while Tommy held her hand. He sat down beside her, facing away from Wilbur's grave. He watched the sunset while she watched her tears hit the flowers around his grave.

Niki leaned against Tommy's shoulder, her sobs reduced to snuffling. Tommy knew that he needed to return home. Quackity and Sam were waiting for him. But Niki needed him. Tommy needed her. They needed to finally move on. It had been a year since Wilbur died. They could peacefully let go.

"I miss him," Niki whispered. Tommy didn't look at the grave as his replied back, "We always will."

Oof