Hard To Love (a Josh Hutcherson Fan Fiction)

Chapter 14

song of the chapter:  Undone By Haley Reinhart.

Stella's POV

"I'm coming back. I just need to clear my head. I don't want to say anything I don't mean" says Josh as he walks out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

I fall to my knees and cradle my face in my palms, "what have I done." I whisper to myself. I can't do this anymore. No, he deserves better. he's right, I just push people away, and this is where it's gotten me, lying on the floor in defeat, guilt weighing in on my soul.

I get up off of the floor and wipe my tears. I grab a piece of paper and a pen and write everything that comes to my mind. Absolutely everything. my tears fall on the paper and I try to dry them, but it's no use, more just keep falling.

"UGH!" I yell and throw the pen on the floor when I finish and fist my hands through my hair. Driver runs around the corner whimpering, and I smile and pat his head, "I'm sorry bud, didn't mean to scare you.." I say and then sniff. I walk up stairs with blank emotions, pack all of my things, which isn't much, including the grey pair of sweatpants that josh wore my first night at his house.. I probably shouldn't take them, but I want something to remember him by. I walk to the door, reading the note I left one more time and more tears fall on it. I shake my head and walk for the door, but dart for the back door once I see headlights coming down the drive way.

I wait in silence until I hear rustling and yelling coming from in the house.

"Stella?! Stella where are you?!" I hear josh yell from inside. I hide on the back porch as quietly as I can. hopefully he won't find me. I need to let him live his life without me. I'm no good for his life, whether he thinks so or not, I know so.

I hear nothing for a few short minutes then I hear a loud bang and a crash, making me gasp and cover my mouth. A few moments later I hear his jeep rev up and hear it leave the house. I clench my eyes shut and take the necklace that Josh gave me in my clenched fist, reminiscing every memory of us together.. every kiss, every touch, every poetic word or phrase that left his mouth, and I whisper the words, "goodbye, Josh. I'm so sorry."

I leave the house quietly, even though no one is home, and I make my way to the bus station.

My face is red and tear stained, my body feels achy, and I've developed a slight wheezing deep in my lungs, I guess from crying so much. I don't really know where I'm headed to, I'm just waiting for one of the stop names to feel like the right one to get off on.

To my left is a pregnant Hispanic woman singing lullabies to her stomach and to my right is a middle aged business man. Pretty peaceful for a city bus, but then I look at my phone to see the date, New Year's Eve. Wow, Stell. what a way to kick off the new year, I think to myself. I sigh loudly and the Hispanic woman shoots me a smile, I attempt to smile back, but I fail and I slump in my seat, swallowing the lump in my throat that threatens to burst, releasing my tears. I look out the bus window, reminding myself of the train ride that changed my life. When I got on that train, I didn't know that I would meet someone who was going to affect my life so greatly as he did. I didn't want to leave him, but I had to. Some may think it was my choice to leave, and yes, partly it was, but it was a need. you can ignore something you need as much as you want, but eventually the necessity of it will over power the pride of not wanting to need it, regardless of what you want to do.. if that makes any sense. I wipe the stream of tears from my cheek and sit up as I hear the bus driver yell, "Stop 152, San Diego. time 12:30 am. Happy new year! " he says. I quickly gather my things and run to the front of the bus. I hand the guy a 10 dollar bill

"keep it, you need it more than I do" he says giving me a sympathetic smile.

"no really, it's okay" I croak, insisting he take the bill.