Hard To Love (a Josh Hutcherson Fan Fiction)

Chapter 34

Song of the Chapter: Never Stop by Safetysuit

Josh's POV

There are many words I could potentially use to describe exactly how I am feeling right now, but I think I am going to settle for the one that reoccurs in my mind the most. Fear.

I stand and stare at Stella for a few moments in hope that she will look at me and say "April Fools!" although it is December, and the holiday coming up is Christmas, not April Fool's Day unfortunately.

"I'm sorry," she mutters under her breath and takes off for the bathroom.

I stand awestruck in the living room as I watch her leave the room. My heart drops and my head tells me to chase after her, but my feet seem to be glued to the floor. My mind races back to the first time we had a pregnancy scare. That night was the scariest moments in my life, and though the case wasn't a baby, that is the only image I have of her in my memory right now. I can see it now; she'll go into labor, she'll have complications, and some doctor will walk out of her room and speak those infamous words, "We're so sorry Mr. Hutcherson," while shaking their head and a sorrowful look to their eyes.

No. I can't let that thought cross my mind. A baby? Wow. I'm going to be a father? Oh my.

Suddenly, a sensation flows through my body, and it's not fear, nor sadness, but a weird, unidentified sensation that I have never felt before. It awakens something inside me and I spin around on my heels.

"Stella- wait!" I finally choke out.

I dart for the bathroom and tap on the door lightly, "Stella? You in there?"

No answer.

"Listen, baby, I-" I sigh and rub my hand over my face, "I didn't mean it like that. I know my silence was probably misleading, and I am so sorry, I just, can you please let me in?" I knock again.

"The door is open," her voice whispers softly, muffled by sniffles.

I turn the knob slowly and push the door open. She is sitting on the edge of the bathtub with her elbows on her knees and her hands tangled in her hair.

I hate seeing her like this, it absolutely kills me inside, and I hate to think that this is all an after shock resulting from my misleading actions.

"You know, " she speaks up and lets out a pitiful laugh, "I had this whole vision in my head of me and you, and a baby, and you jumping up and down with excitement when I told you the news, but then reality hit me, and it hit me hard because of the dreamworld I created in my head." she shakes her head and looks at me, "How could I ask you to want this baby? We aren't ready, and we just got engaged, I just- I don't know," she tangles her small fingers back into her mess of blond hair.

I take in a deep breath and sit next to her on the bathtub, "I'm scared as hell, Stella." is all I manage to choke out as my throat tightens and my eyes gloss over.

I mimic her stance and place my elbows on my knees and tangle my fingers in my hair.

"& you think I'm not, Josh?" she laughs sarcastically and wipes the tears off of her face, "I sat in that hospital for two hours talking to a therapist because I was terrified that I didn't know the first thing about being a mother because I never had one! I'm fucking scared out of my mind," she stands up and starts pacing, one of her worst habits, "but you know what I thought after a while?"

I look up at her and she continues to speak.

"I thought that maybe this could be a good thing, and maybe I could give you the family and the kids you wanted, something I want to give you eventually, and why not now? I know we aren't married yet, and I know it's not exactly the perfect timing, but it's happening and we can't run from it. Well you can, but I can't. I'm stuck in this fucking rut and I can't get out of it alone. But if you're scared and you feel the need to flee, then by all means do it." She twists the silver diamond ring around her left ring finger and bites her bottom lip.