Hard To Love (a Josh Hutcherson Fan Fiction)

Chapter 35

Song of the Chapter: All About Us by He is We 

Stella's POV

Spinning. The room is spinning, my face is hot, and yet my teeth still chatter with every exhale. I'm weak, and I'm tired, and I want this to be over. 

I sit on the cool tile floor of the bathroom once again at four in the morning, hacking out my insides it seems, as Josh runs his hand in a circular pattern on the small of my back. 

"Baby, go to bed I'm fi-" Nope.. not fine. I lean over the edge of the toilet and Josh holds my hair back and ties it in a ponytail. 

If it were anyone other than Josh, I would be irrevocably embarrassed, but he has seen me at my worst, and this is far from my worst, but it's still bad.

"I'm sorry." I mumble as I stand back up and tumble to the sink.

Isn't pregnancy supposed to be beautiful? This is like a nightmare that I can't wake up from, and this morning sickness better end soon, and if Google is right, it should be done within the next few weeks. 

"Don't be sorry," he kisses my cheek as I put toothpaste on my toothbrush, preparing to scrub away the lingering taste of bile on my tounge. 

"I am so... tired." I lean my head on his shoulder and he stares at me in the mirror. 

"I can tell.." he gives me a sympathetic smile and puts his hand on my stomach, "You, little one, are going to be a troublemaker, I can tell." He leans down and kisses my stomach and I smile. 

I know it may be wrong, but he is far more excited about this pregnancy than I am. I can't help but think every day that I will be a failure as a parent, and he- or she- will grow up and head in the wrong direction, but Josh has been talking up about it everyday, planning exactly how he wants the nursery, which really should be the mother's doing, and planning the perfect way to tell Mama Hutch. 

I haven't told Corie yet, and I am scared of how she will react. Hopefully she will see a brighter light in it and influence me in a higher direction.  But she was in an even worse situation than I am with her first child, and I can't even begin to complain about where I am. 

Stable and steady income, a loving, fantastic fiance, and a roof over our head. What more do I have to ask for?

The only person who knows so far is Andre, and he is sworn to secrecy until we are ready. 

"Should I call off the engagement party tonight?" He asks as we slip back under the sheets on our bed. 

I shake my head, "No, I will be better when I wake up, its just this damn morning sickness, I wish I could just sleep through it." 

I roll on my side and look into his sympathetic eyes, "I'm so sorry baby." he says, laying his hand on my cheek and running his thumb back and forth over my jaw. 

"I know you are," I lay my hand over his, "But it will get better, the doctor said this is normal."

He nods. 

"Should we announce it tonight?" I ask. 

"At the party? But there will be paps there and reporters and camera men and you said-" 

"I know what I said.." I sigh, "I know I wanted to keep it as secret as possible except for family and close friends, but I've been thinking about it a lot and if we keep secrets, then the paparazzi have something to dig into us for." 

"Yeah.." he adds in. 

I continue, "& if we spoon feed them the secrets, then they won't have any hunger left in their stomachs to bother us for our spare change in order to satisfy them."