TOXIC (sketchxreader)

A night away

Y/N-

I ran away from the hotel and from elijah because everything felt too much. I couldn't comprehend.

I took refugee at the back of another hotel. There was no one in sight so I felt a bit better. It was very far away from the scene. I walked for an hour to get there.

Nothing was stable, nor my life and neither my emotions. I was fucking miserable after what I did to elijah but I was angry at myself for feeling things for him.

I dug my nails into my palms, "I am fucking glad he's not with me anymore. He had shit surviving skills."

"I am better off alone. I never regret not letting my emotions get to me. I did let go this time and look what happened? I end up crying for some dude on a random street."

This "pep talk" convinced my mind to believe I still didn't feel emotions but it couldn't convince my eyes. They were shedding tears for elijah.

Suddenly, it started pouring which increased the intensity of my emotions. Hell, I literally felt stranded with my emotions.

The raindrops hitting my body and tears streaming down my face. I was an utter mess.

I didn't want anyone to see like me that. I wiped my tears and hit the street.

Everyone had umbrellas or a tensed expressions on their faces if they didn't have one. The road had little if not zero traffic.

People were in their own world while I was stuck in the endless agonizing loop of the real one.

I saw a man with a black umbrella. He looked familiar. I ran towards him and saw Elijah.

"Elijah!" I yelled but the man walked away, giving me a weird look.

It wasn't elijah but I couldn't tell at all. Everywhere I looked, I felt his presence haunting me.

I dont regret attacking him. He deserved it. That's when everything took a turn for the worst.

The whole street was spinning around like an amusement park ride. The eerie scream elijah let out when I stabbed him was ringing in my ears.

I continued to see him in everyone on the street. I thought I was gonna go deaf. His screams were so loud and consistent.

I was having a mental breakdown in the middle of a rainy street which involved a lot of hysterical sobbing.

I got a craving. This always happened when I cried. I had to punish myself for letting go.

I took a sharp turn and entered a place that looked fairly empty. I grabbed the knife I had been carrying with me the whole time.

I rolled up my sleeve and dug the knife into my skin aggressively. I made about 15 cuts in 7 seconds. That's how intensely I felt about the situation.

Some cuts were deep than the others. They were inconsistent. I hadn't done this to myself in days, I must've forgotten the method. Weird, when I was with elijah I forgot to cut myself..

I was angry at myself, I wanted to hurt myself and blame everything on me. "Never should have fucking let my emotions take a hold of me. This is what happens."

"I am never letting myself feel again!" I couldn't keep pretending so I unwillingly slide down the wall behind me and curled up in a ball.

I balled my eyes out, thinking about elijah. I did care about him but I was too scared to face it. I had never gotten attached to anyone to the point where I couldn't cut them off. Elijah was the first one. It was a scary feeling.

We had spent every little moment with each other since the last week and us being away for one night changed me.

What if he is actually dead? What if there is a chance to save him? I ran all the way back to the hotel. I made it there in 45 minutes, which was quick.

I fell and emerged through the stairs to get to our room. The elevators were busy. I ran down the hallway to get to the end, where our room was.

I read the numbers, 204 before opening the door to cold winds of loneliness. No one was there.

I felt my life stopping for a moment. I never thought what would happen if I didn't find him there. He was there everyday, I got used it.

He blended into my life effortlessly so much so that I couldn't fathom him not being a part of it.

I had another breakdown on the bed. I didn't care if the staff had heard his screams or had known I did something horrible.

I slowly remembered that he told me he wanted to meet his family. What if he is at the airport? But he didn't have any money. I took all of it.

I didn't think straight. The airport was my last hope of finding him. I got in a cab and drove to the airport.

What I found there was horrifying. What I saw will be, cemented in my memory for the rest of my life.