The Secrets That Free Us

Chapter 5

I knock furiously and repeatedly on the door waiting for an answer while I still have the nerve.

A few seconds later I hear soft footsteps heading towards the direction of the door.

Surprised blue eyes greet mine,  "Oh, Grace. Hey, I didn't know you were coming over. How are you hun?" Chloe asks me kindly standing in her doorway.

I try to give her a smile but I'm sure it just looks like a grimace. "Hi, sorry for not calling first." I tell her.

"Don't be silly, come on in." She moves to the side of the doorway to allow me in. I step into her and my brothers spacious appartment.

"Is Parker here?" I ask her.

"Yeah, he's just in the shower. Do you want me to go get him? Is everything okay?" She starts fussing.

I can't help but smile at her. I've always like Chloe, I think it helps me to know she's had her own struggles in life and came out stronger for them.
"It's fine, I'll just wait for him if that's okay."

She tells me that's fine and we sit on the sofa and make awkward small talk while Parker does whatever takes him so long to do in the shower.

"I was waiting for you for you to join me in the shower. I've been a very dirty boy." I hear Parker's voice before he rounds the corner butt naked - looking proud as punch that he thought of that oh so clever play on words.

I let out a squeal and cover my eyes. If I didn't want to kill myself already I definitely did after seeing my brothers manhood.

"Grace! What the fuck!" He covers his junk and yells, but in his shocked state it comes out high pitched and un natural.

"My eyes" I whine while Chloe is beetroot red and trying and failing to stifle her laughter.

He runs into the bedroom and Chloe lets her laughter errupt. "Oh my god" she says while trying to catch her breath. "I wish I could record that moment, both of your faces we're priceless" she says while wiping tears from the corners of her eyes.

"My mind is playing it on a loop, I can never un see that"

Parker comes back out of the bedroom with a pair of shorts on and his cheeks tinged pink. "I am so sorry Grace. I didn't know you where coming over" he apologises rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asks me. Not rudely or anything, but I don't usually call around here, never mind unannounced.

Right, before I was scarred for life I came here for a reason. I force my brain to focus on that and why I'm here.

"I need to talk to you." I tell him firmly.

"I'm gonna go see Brooke and Cody for a bit actually." Chloe says getting up to leave.

"No, I don't want to put you out. You don't have to go." I tell her.

"Honestly I was planning on going at some point anyway, you two talk." She says giving me a smile and kissing Parker on the cheek before walking out the door.

When she leaves I stand from my seat on the sofa and turn to face Parker with a serious look on my face, "what the hell is going on with you and Cole?" I ask him.

He rolls his eyes and goes into his kitchen and I follow as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. Once he's took a drink he faces me again, "We had words okay, nothing for you to worry about."

"Stop doing that!" I loose my patience, slamming my hand on the counter for added emphasis to how irate I am right now.

"I'm not a child, Parker. Everyone pussy footing around me isn't going to change what happened. I tried to kill myself, that wasn't Cole's fault" I yell at him.

"But he knows why you did!" He yells back at me. I don't think Parker has ever yelled at me in my whole life and the bass in his voice takes me back for a moment.

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, "Look, I know it wasn't directly his fault. But he knows what's going on with you and he knew you were suffering. I know he's the only person you talk too about whatever it is, we all do. He should have done more before it was almost too late."

"Parker, you can't blame Cole for my decisions. This isn't on him." I tell him softly.

"I can blame Cole for not talking to anyone. He thinks he's helping you but he can't fix everything on his own."

"That isn't.." I begin but stop when he lets out a pained sound and punches the drywall beside his fridge. "We almost lost you and you're still defending him!"

I don't say anything as he continues, "I had to see my eighteen year old, baby sister lying in a fucking hospital bed fighting for her life. Poor Mia's scarred for life after finding you in a pool of your own fucking blood. You were suffering so much that you wanted to end your own life when there is so much more of it ahead of you and not one of us knows how to help you or how to fix it because you won't fucking talk to anyone! Anyone except Cole, who clearly hasn't helped and hasn't fixed anything." He rants and by the end of it unshed tears are pooling in his eyes.

I came here furious that Parker could be so cold towards Cole, not really thinking about the effect this has had on him. On everyone.

I make my way over to my brother, who was hurting more than I ever thought he would about this. I wrap my arms around his torso and bury my head into his chest and the tears start flowing freely when he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in tighter.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you would care so much" My words are muffled by the strong embrace he has me in.

"Why the fuck would you think that?" He asks and I can tell he's trying to keep himself from crying too.

"We've just never been that close really. You have your life and I'm, well I'm just a loner. I guess I didn't think you guys would be as effected as you all were. I'm sorry." This is the most honest conversation I've ever had with Parker and that makes me sad.

He pulls me away from him but keeps a firm grip on my shoulders, looking me straight in the eyes, "Grace we may not be best friends but you're still my sister. The same annoying kid who used to try to get me to play barbies and make me dress up and have tea parties with your freaking creepy teddy bear collection." I let out a laugh at that.

"I always had to beg you or bribe you with cookies." I add joining in with the nostalgic memory. "Joey would do it first time though, no insensitive needed." I add and Parker laughs.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he 
still plays dress up with Brooke's clothes" he snorts and I let out a laugh.

Parker's eyes shine as he looks at me and I suddenly feel self conscious. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing, it's just nice to see you smile for a change. Your usually quite or giving nothing but sarcastic remarks out." He says and pulls me back into a hug, resting his chin on my head, "Grace I will always be here for you. And if you got out of your own head for five minutes you would see your family is here for you. All of us waiting for you to open up so we can support you."

Was he right? Would they support me? Would they blame Cole the way he blames himself?

"I love you Parker. Please do me a favour?" I ask.

"Anything" he mumbles.

"Lay off Cole. He already blames himself, you don't need to as well."

***
After we spent some time talking Parker brought me home.

I feel lighter after talking to him. I know they would still be better off without me stressing them out and dragging them down but it's been so long since I've actually let someone in, it felt freeing almost.

I walk towards my front door thinking what a long day today has been. School, counselling, talking to Mom, talking to Parker. So many emotions that have been brewing the last month and it never dawned on anyone to just let them out.

As I near my house I notice a dark figure sitting on my doorstep. Has someone locked themselves out?

As I cautiously approach my breath catches in my throat and for a brief moment and I think my minds playing tricks on me from my emotionally draining day. That is, until a pair of baby blue eyes that are still the last thing I picture before I sleep meet my shocked green ones.

"Hunter?"