letters never sent

fuck it (13.)

cw: sexual assault

i don't even know if i'm allowed to say that on wattpad.
this one's for the upperclassmen who took advantage of me.

my freshman year of high school was eventful.
i was unstable. i was vulnerable. i was hurting and looking for control.

it wasn't my fault. it wasn't my fault. it wasn't my fault.

i was fifteen. he was 18. we were supposed to be friends.
and somehow i ended up in the back of his car.

he denies it happened at all. says i was desperate. that i wanted him.
reality? i ended things myself. i didn't like him, i didn't want to be his girl.
he was 18 and he pretends it didn't happen.

my friends and i used to laugh it off but i think they knew i was uncomfortable.
laughing is easier than admitting that it made me feel dirty.

>>>

17 and now i get "you don't look 17."
17 and now i'm still "mature for my age."

it is not a compliment. it is a sign of trauma.

17, almost 18, trying to prepare for what comes next when i can't say "i'm only 17."

i'm not ready. i never was.

i'm fucking scared and i'm tired and i'm trying to remind myself it's not my fault,
they should have known better, right?

what do i do now?

authors edit:
my therapist is a gem and she said something that resonated with me that i wanted to share with you all.

just because someone fails to respect your boundaries doesn't mean you didn't set any, and their choice to not respect your boundaries is not your fault.

so everyone thank my therapist for that because i certainly needed it.

also hello thank you to everyone adding my book to their reading lists and voting !! <3

@writingyouagain