Run Away

Memories Beyond The Horizon

You a liar! A manipulative little fucker! And I hate you...god I hate you so much. You just...you think it's ok to not talk to me and to ignore me and to just disappear! It's ok, right? It's just Miranda! No one gives a flying fuck because it's just me....right? Correct you little bastard...I just..you just...I hate you...no..no I don't. God I don't. Fuck...I love you Ben...I love you so much.

I see you...in my thoughts. In my dreams. In my flash backs. I can feel your touch and your emotions. I can feel your breath against the back of my neck. I can small your cologne through your clothes. And can feel the tingles in your finger tips as you touch me. I can feel it all. Every sudden move to every emotion. It's real...your real...we're real.

I can feel you kiss my neck...and my jaw line and my lips. My lips overlapping you because mine were slightly bigger. The touch of your hands moving from my waste to my butt to my thighs. The way you knew exactly what to do so I couldn't stay angry with you.
Touching me...feeling me...loving me. All to the extent of where I couldn't help but crave you. Yearn for your affections and body. Yearn for all the emotions you carry with you.
I wanted it all. I wanted to feel what you felt...see what you saw...know what you knew. I want your soul and body to be equally intertwined with me. As you craved me as well.

Laying with you...feeling your nose run across my shoulder to my back. Feel you as you slide one hand across my waist and pull me closer. Feel your lips kissing the back of my neck and ears and back. Smell your sent as you moved closer to my body. Hear your voice as you whispered "I love you".

I sung to you every night...I cuddled you when you were lonely. I made sure you felt loved and cared for and wanted. And you did the same for me. We were open and honest and respectful.
We were fun and funny and crazy .
We were romantic and full if life and crazily in love with one another.

I can't and couldn't put into words how alive I felt when I was with you. How into life I was. How I had no worries. How life my was sea and we were the lobsters. Lobsters are mates forever....baby...your my lobster.

You got me good..making me feel special and loved and wanted. I fell hard.
At first you were there to catch me but as the days passed by...weeks...months...went on you weren't.
You faded away like a shadow in the night.

I need you like a stoner needs drugs...like a flower need sunlight...like a cat needs a mouse...like populars need gossip...like cookies need flower...like people need lives...like a smoker needs cigarettes...like a addict needs pills...I need you like the world needs life.

But you...you didn't want that...you wanted to sleep around and whore around...you my friend wanted to leave on the outside like a little girls once favorite toy.

News flash buddy...I wasn't your toy! I was a human being that needed tender love and care...a human that needed you! Bastard!! Bastard!!! ...bastard!

I was a human...a...a human...being that needed a prince...a knight in shining armor. I was your Cinderella...I was your Ariel....I was your Belle..I was your Jasmine...I was your Sleeping Beauty...I was your Snow White.
You were and are my Prince...my Price Eric...my Beast...my Aladdin...my Prince Charming...and ever so more.

God your were life! You are life! And you at what you've done!!!! Look at me now...oh my god...look at me now.

I took a good look at myself I'm the mirror..I looked up and down at myself.

I don't get it. Everyone tells me that perfect but yet I sit in front of the mirror when I'm alone and pick apart every piece of me, I try to figure out what's so perfect. I don't know what it is. I can't find it. It upsets me how imperfect i am. I try your hardest to be good enough, to be pretty, to be ok, to be skinny. Everyone says I'm pretty and smart and have a good body. But I look at myself with such disgust and disappointment. Right then as I start to cry...I look at myself. Look at myself In the mirror and tell myself to hold it in. Stop being a baby. But then i know I'm not strong. That is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

But the sad part is..is that it's not the hardest. Seeing you walk away from me in the hardest thing I've ever had to do. That how you know your in too deep. When I can't bare to see you leave my sure for two minutes...let's try a year for that matter.

But I knew you were different. The touch of your skin...the smell of your clothes. The smile you gave off as I walked In the hall way.
You knew...you knew my past and would soon be apart of my future.
But you changed.
You popped my bubble and decided to become my depression. Depression that sucks me soul dry.
Funny how you made promises and left them to hang there like thin air. Funny how you excluded and broke and made me forget every feeling I had in my whole entire body. Funny how I turned into a monster.
...funny how I like being depressed because you are my home...which makes depression my home.

....I awoke...remembering my dream exactly...looking at myself in the morrow and ranging...

I saw a muscular arm around me...my eyes lingered around the arm and over my shoulder to see none other than Caleb holding me and sleeping...