Run Away

Butterflies

I sat there..:thinking. About him. About his smile and gorgeous eyes.

I started to day dream of past memories with him.

He laid there. Smiling at me and out of breathe from all of our kissing. And put his hand on my face and tucked a hair behind my ear. "I love you."

I felt grateful to hear those words. Not everyone does. But I had found someone that does mean it. I blushes at his I love you and kissed his forehead. He was tan..he was cute. He was amazing. "I love you too baby." I smiles and wrapped my hand around his left arm. I felt his cuts..from his self harm. They were healing. But not as fast as I wanted them to. He was too perfect to be doing this. But I understood why he did. Who could blame him? He's been through so much.

I ran my thumb up and down his cuts. I the rolled up his sleeve and looked at them. I studied every line. Every angle. Every blood stain. I studied it...like if I looked at then hard enough they would disappear. I closed my eyes and kissed his cuts. I wanted him to know that I excepted it. That I understood. And that I still respected him.

He looked at me and smiled

I looked back at him and tilted my head.

"Do you know how much I love you and care for you? Please don't do this. I'm here for you. Always. You'll always be mine. I know what you've been going through is hell. But you have me. You can tell me anything and everything. And no matter what happens I will help you. Your my one and only. I love you. I care about you. I will never abandon you. You are something special. Your one in a million. And I promise you. I will do anything to help you. I will do anything to make you stop hurting yourself." I said.

I looked at his arm again. My eyes swelled up with tears. "I love you Ben."

I felt a year drip down my cheek. I felt a few more, then more, then a whole ocean. His pain was my pain. When he hurt I hurt. When was lonely I was lonely. When he fucked up I fucked up with him. His emotions became mine. And I hate seeing him so hurt to the point he would self harm. I would do anything to make him the happiest person in the world.

We cuddled that night. Me being in his arms felt right. It was meant to be that way and I felt safe. Like nothing could get to me. We had our own little bubble that we could stay in and that we felt comfortable in. We were alike in so many ways. We knew each other so well. We liked our bubble. We had a bond...a strong bond. That no one could break.

I awoke from my day dream to be disappointed to find that I was only with Asher and Caleb. Not Ben.

Yes they were good company. But Ben..Ben was something else. Ben was special. Ben was mine and only mine.

They looked at me as if I was some sort of alien. I blanked out and made faces I'm guessing. But I didn't care. At all. I was allowed to remesice. I could do that if I wanted. Whenever I wanted. However I wanted dammit.

" Need something?" I growled.

" No. You just look like someone shit in your corn flakes." Asher replied.

"Ugh well..." I was interupted.

"She doesn't like corn flakes bruh. She likes lucky charms." Caleb said while he was getting a soda out of the fridge.

" Exactly. I don't even like corn flakes. Damn. Anyway...I was thinkiing, sue me if you gotta problem with that." I said with a questioning raise of my eyebrow.

I pushed my way past Mr. Flirt (Asher) and made my way to the fridge. I saw a root beer and grabbed it. It was the last one, but oh well. It's my favorite soda. Caleb will get over it.

I knew this house. I remembered it. I walked into Caleb room and sat in his chair that was next to his desk. I waffed in a smell of manly vanilla. Manly vanilla? Really? That's the best way to describe it?

I rolled my eyes at myself. Thats a first. Asher walked into the room and sat on the floor...next to me. Ugh. Give up already dude.

Caleb walked in with chips and nachos. He must of seen the smirk across my face because he smiled at me and handed me the nachos. I nodded. He knew I loved nachos so of course he would make them for  me. I was the only one who ate them.

I attempted to turn my phone on to see if Ben had called. But of course with my luck my phone died. I was so tired. I know I hadn't done anything. But I was mentally tired. I didn't wanna think. I wanted to eat my nachos, drinnk my soda, and fall the hell asleep.

I was starving. I devowered my nachos and chugged my drink.

I rested my arm on the arm rest so I could use it as a pillow. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My mind rushed with negatiiive thoughts and flash backs of Ben leaving. It frustrated me. But somehow it didn't bother me. I was thinking about him. I was remembering him and that was good enough for me. I missed him. I missed his voice. I missed his touch. I misseed him. So seeing him in flashbacks and hearing his voice didn't bother me as much as I thought it did. Yes, he left this morning. But he was my goodmorning kiss and my goodmorning hug. He was the person I texted with during school. The person I was with 24/7. I love him.

I felt arms wrap around me and pick me up. I peaked and it was Caleb. He must of thought I did fall asleep. I felt him lay me down on the bed and pull the covers over me. I was cold. The sheets were comfy and warm and comfortable.  I hugged them to my chest and cuddled with them. I peaked again and saw Caleb smile. He then started playing x-box with Asher.

At that point I really did begin to fall asleep. My thoughts became a haze as I fell asleep with the sheets cuddled in my arms wishing they were Ben and imagining his touch.