Whatever We Love Most

Three Years Before

What I'll Miss Most About the Barn:

1) The little hill in the indoor arena that could never be flattened out

2) The rusty stall doors that my hair would always get stuck to

3) The old haybales on the camp side that Annie would eat

4) The paint-covered craft table

5) The tack room without any light

6) The way only one washroom was heated

7) The awkward sliding doors that always got stuck

8) The loft that we never finished fixing up

9) The stalls in the small barn that were always full of cobwebs, no matter how many we swept away

10) The feed room that had the weirdest stuff in it (Hello, baby mice?)

My second summer of camps. I had taken lessons that year, but decided to quit at the end of the summer because I wasn't learning anything. I went for four weeks of camp that year. I also went to an overnight camp, which I loved. I jumped a half foot at the trot, and when I got back to my regular barn, I told everyone that I could trot jumps, and they should let me ride off lead. My coach said something about 'push-button ponies', and I protested immensely.

Two of my friends came to camps with me. I remember I kept having to switch horses with Ally, because Briar behaved better for me than her. 

I hated sharing Briar. I hated watching other people ride my horse. 

At the end of that summer, I quit riding. I started again in November that year. I had a new coach, and I was riding off lead in no time. Three lessons in, I was cantering.

Yes, it was on lunge. 

Yes, I was on a well-behaving pony.

But it was a huge accomplishment for me, and I was happy.

I spent that year learning to actually ride. I rode every Thursday. And though I sometimes had to skip lessons because of anxiety, I managed most days. I was out of the house more than I ever had been.

I quit swimming lessons that year. My mom finally gave up trying to force me to, and instead let me ride. I didn't need to collect 'tickets' for lessons anymore-that system had been abolished prior.

Briar snapped. She wouldn't let anyone ride her for ages, and when she finally did, I insisted on riding her. 

Most of my lessons consisted of walking around on-lead or standing in the middle because she wouldn't behave. I gave up so much time I could have spent learning, because I loved that mare so much.

For my birthday I chose to have a party at the barn. February was freezing, so we waited until April. Ironically, April was even colder. 

One of the little unicorn models still sits on the top of the bulletin board.

Briar, meanwhile, kept having weird spells. She would go insane, then start behaving again, then go insane... Eventually, she was for advanced riders only.

Meanwhile, Marigold was sick. She had gotten a limp while I was riding her over the winter. I was terrified she would do something, so I was relieved when I instead switched to Princess for the rest of the lesson.

What I'll Miss Most About Princess:

1)  How she would barely move unless there was a jump in front of her

2) How she always took so much coaxing to trot, unless she had one of her three favourite riders on her

3) How she hated being brushed before a ride but tolerated it after

4) How she had a brown splotch on her shoulder that looked like mud

5) How she just didn't care

6) How her spooks only involved trotting

7) How her girth was too big for her

8) How she always cut the corners

9) How she was so stiff around her turns

10) How she loved jumping

That was the last time I rode Marigold.

At the end of the year, my coach left. She gave us a Western lesson before she left. I loved it.

That summer, I went to overnight camp again. But I hated it. I don't know why, I just felt miserable the whole time.

I also worked at my barn's camp. Two weeks of watching kids, but I was proud of myself.

I started volunteering that year. Every Saturday. Usually I swept, occasionally led Princess, and ate the leftover cake from birthday parties.

I was overstressed about everything that year. Even more than usual. Briar kept me sane. She was so friendly, unless I was riding her!

And that was my last camp year. Ever.