Monster | J.JK✔️

34: Butterfly

I stand in the kitchen early the next morning trying to turn the damn stove on. Everything works very slow in this house and I miss my old one. I don't even know if Jungkook sold it and is actually serious about living here...I hope he didn't. I can't stay here forever. We just can't live like this. I sigh, cracking an egg and start to cook for us two. It's not like I have a choice in this anyway.

Out of the blue, a pair of arms snake their way around my waist. Automatically my breath hitches at the unexpected movement. But when Jungkook rests his head on the crook of my neck, holding me tight yet soft, I can feel there's no harsh intentions. Just a hug...So I let my muscles calm down. "Morning Princess" his raspy morning voice whispers in my ear.

I can't help but curve my lips upwards a little at this small touch. For the first time...it doesn't feel harsh or forced. But more like a real morning greeting. "Morning...kook" I nervously say, unsure of whether I should be nice back or if he's just playing just with me. adding his nickname at the end. Nevertheless, I let Jungkook hug me in silence while I cook for the two of us. Normally I would be absolutely stiff and frightened. But thinking of last night and the gentle way he's holding me now makes that worry go away. He didn't touch me last night...He didn't do anything...For the first night in way too long...I was free.

-

Later during the day, Jungkook and I sit together in front of the tv with nothing to do. It's so boring here. We can't go out anywhere. Can't see anyone. Just stuck. I don't even have a phone to entertain myself. "Jungkook?" I say to grab his attention. I'm going to give this a shot. He hums in response not looking towards me. With my legs folded up on the sofa, I slightly shift to the side to face him better. I take a deep breath in preparation for this question. It could either be great that I finally said this...or go horribly wrong. "Are we going to stay here forever?"

Jungkook immediately stiffens. I can see his muscles stiffen in discomfort with my question unsure of how to act himself. I wait patiently as he switches off the tv and takes a big sigh. Running his hand through his hair I can see the hesitation to tell the truth. In the end, Jungkook finally mutters, "No."

His answer lights a spark of hope inside me. My eyes suddenly fill with the wish to return to normal life. I know I shouldn't ask too much in case I push his buttons but right now he's in a good mood and I must take advantage of that. "How...long are we staying?" I ask in a quiet voice not to sound too eager.

"That solely depends on your behaviour, Minji," Jungkook says turning his head to stare directly at me. "If you can prove you've become obedient. If you've finally learnt that you will be with me for the rest of your life and will stop trying for escape...Then we won't need to stay here for long." Jungkook repeats what he's been telling me for the past months once more.

Immediately my gaze falls back on my lap, sighing lightly. I've all this before but I never actually acted upon it. Looks like now it's time to take this seriously. I nod my head, mumbling "Okay." I have no choice. I desperately want to get away from this isolated place. I need to do everything he says. Besides, I think I've kind of already learnt I'll be with Jungkook forever. I'm petrified to ever attempt to escape again anyway. I really am stuck with him for the rest of my life...Rather than being disobedient and getting continually beaten, I may as well change into the woman he wants me to become.

-

The day crept by only with a little small talk. I didn't know if Jungkook was going to snap at me any second or not. The whole day he was being hesitant whether to act nice or horrible. I think I softened him up a little yesterday. But again, that only happened because I listened to him and didn't argue back.
As I sat in front of my dressing table blow drying my hair, I could see Jungkook from the mirror. Sitting on the edge of our bed against the headboard with an hard to read expression. But I recognise it. It's my expression whenever I'm in deep thought of my sorrow and all I do is sit there thinking about the horrific situation upon me. Putting the blowdryer down, I turn around wondering what's happening in his mind to make him so upset. My query is quickly answered when Jungkook mumbles, "Minji....why aren't I enough for you?" My brow furrows at his remark. I stand up and slowly make my way over to him. Jungkook keeps his gaze out in nowhere. "Why did you have to go chasing after Taehyung in the first place?" He says quietly in despondency. I tilt my head in confusion not expecting the question. I simply let out a sigh knowing this all started with Taehyung's arrival. But it's not my fault Jungkook kept misunderstanding everything! Yes, I did try to date him but before that, there was never anything between us when Jungkook started the abuse.

I open my mouth to speak, most probably argue, but Jungkook keeps going, "I don't want to keep beating you." That shuts me up capturing my full attention. "I don't want to have to forcefully do all this all the time. I just want you to love me forever. Then I won't have to do this anymore" Jungkook says in a low tone not making eye contact with me yet.

Again I sigh. He's right. The quicker I just become his doll the quicker he will stop. Except...he wants real love, not just my submission for the rest of our lives. "Jungkook, I will love you forever" I reply sitting beside him. I have always loved Jungkook more than anyone. And I could possibly love him all over again...if he changes for good.

"Oh really?" Jungkook finally turns his head to look over at me. "You dated Taehyung didn't you?"

"J-Jungkook..." I lightly gulp knowing I made that mistake. How will I explain? "I was trying to get over you. I don't love Taehyung. And I never will...I was just trying to move on from you" I explain as gently as I possibly can. But inside I know he will not understand. He never does. Jungkook frowns deeply and just as he was about to get angry at my response, I cut him off. "But I never will," I say quickly to make sure he didn't start getting mad. Jungkook immediately closes his mouth, looking at me questionably. Taking a deep breath I say what I've been reluctant to admit for a while. "I love you too much Jungkook," I say quietly looking down at my hands. "I've spent almost all of my life with you. You're my first everything. I've been with you for way too long to catch feelings for someone else with the affection I have for you."

I can feel Jungkook eyes on me, softening up a little by my words. I, myself can not believe I'm saying this. But it's true. I don't think I'll be able to give someone the same affection I have...to the monster in front of me.
"Jungkook you need to have trust in me. Our relationship was going fine...until you stopped trusting me."

"No-"

I don't want to keep hearing this. So I lean in cut Jungkook off with a kiss.

Jungkook was taken aback by my sudden action. But at least it'll shut him up from pestering about Taehyung. With my hands on his chest, I give Jungkook a soft, slow kiss. Almost instantly I feel Jungkook's muscles relax and he starts responding to me.

Just as I attempt to pull away, Jungkook slides his hand behind my neck and kisses harder. This time I wasn't prepared. I'm not used to so much touch between us. Inside I'm afraid he will go too far. And I don't want that. But I force that thought behind me and enjoy the soft moment between us. Gliding my hands up, I wrap them Jungkook's neck and keep my lips moving in sync with his. I feel tiny butterflies dance inside me and i find myself melting in his touch the way I did in our old days. When he was gentle...like he's being now. The small spark between us so precious that I don't want it to end in fear of facing the reality of how Jungkook really is. I can feel Jungkook thinking the same. He holds my waist closer to him, grasping onto this little string of love from this small bit of intimacy that we haven't had together in months.

In the end, it was Jungkook who pulls away first. It surprised yet relieved me. Looking up in his eyes, the horrible creature he was not long ago wasn't there. But a boyfriend who's been yearning to feel love again. Despite how harsh he is, I can still see that inside boy who just wants my love back.

Jungkook wraps both arms around my body. I suddenly let a tiny yelp being turned over and pushed down on the bed. I widen my eyes unsure of why he did that...or what he's gonna do now. But Jungkook simply reaches for the bed sheets and pulls them up. Laying down beside he pulls the sheets over the two of us. A small smile curves up on my lips, looking up at Jungkook who's only inches away from me.

Jungkook stares back into my eyes with his glistening ones. His eyes shows someone who's broken beyond repair. And because of this...he can't control himself. He looses himself. Jungkook doesn't understand how real love works. All he knows is that he wants me forever. And he's afraid. Afraid of abandonment. Afraid I'll leave him.

Jungkook abruptly wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body closer. Burying his face in my neck, I feel a single tear roll down his cheek as he holds me tight.
"Will you stop time
If this moment passes
As though it hadn't happened
....I'm scared I'll lose you"