Monster | J.JK✔️

46: Deteriorating

"Minji you look really tired. Don't you think you should go rest?" Jiyun tilts her head, studying my behaviour from the dining table chair. Taking a deep breath I run my hand through my hair. "I can't," I huff, staring at the laptop screen in a slouched posture on the sofa. "I have a lot of work I haven't been able to complete," I speak dully, barely able to concentrate on one subject. Too many things buzzing through my head.  It's hectic. It's tiring. I can't think straight anymore.

"Minji, why haven't you been getting work done during working hours? Our boss hasn't even given you too much due to your condition," Jiyun says concerned for her friend's health who doesn't seem to be helping herself.

"I know. And I'm grateful he hasn't," I sigh, tearing my gaze away from the laptop screen. "It's that I just came back from seeing Jungkook. We had a chat with Seokjin together. A lot of tears and all," I tell her ruffing my hair as I try to keep a straight face. My energy drains on the days I have work, seeing Jungkook only adds to it. But he is my priority. He's alone. He can't handle himself trapped in that place. I need to try to be with him as much as I can.
I'm constantly worried. And having to go back to work is not helping. "My mind is so preoccupied," I let an exhausted whine, shaking my head at the laptop screen filled with hundreds of letters and numbers. "Every time I see Jungkook, it's like...the rest of my day revolves around him. My mind, it can't think of anything else but him...And-And the baby," my voice trails off before I start panicking thinking about my unborn growing by the day.

"Woah woah sweetie, calm down." Jiyun hurriedly drops her own work to rush down beside me. Immediately placing a comforting arm around my shoulder. I did as she told, leaning my head down to rest on her shoulder. These body aches and weird carvings are not helping at all. I don't have the energy to go buy random things I need at 12am...And I don't have Jungkook with me to help me through this. I don't have Jungkook to pamper me with extra care when I feel lonely and ugly as all these extreme mood swings take over me. "I'm 5 months pregnant already. This is supposed to be a special time of my life," I speak with sorrow, gently holding onto Jiyun's arm. "Countless times, I've pictured having a family with Jungkook. And how he'd hold my hand and help me through it all. I know Kook would have whatever I end up craving together even if he doesn't want to," a slight smile curves up on my lips imaging him trying to hide his dislike of eating whatever I wanted together. "And how he'd rush to my side every second to help me walk whenever I need." The smile didn't last long, now slowly falling down. "Now...I have to go through this without my partner. And my baby's first 5 and a bit years will be without her father." The pregnancy effects, the stress, the anxiety and the depression knowing I'll be raising my child alone for while...It's all building up on me.

"Are you alright Minji?," Jiyun asks in a calm manner. "Answer honestly," she adds knowing I've lied many times before.

"I wish I could say yes...But the truth is, I don't really know anymore," I reply in a subtly low voice. "It's like...I thought that I would be healing and so would Jungkook. I thought we would be ok. But..." With a frustrated sigh, my eyes roll as my voice trails off mid sentence unable to find the right words to complete my feelings. "Jiyun I don't know if this actually getting better."

"Minji, we'll get you through this," Jiyun immediately says before anymore negatively spills from my mouth. She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. "When are you going to see him next?"

"I think 4 days," I answer. "Jungkook has been busy with Jin and I've been busy with work so I've been seeing less as time goes on. But he begged me desperately to come soon, so I promised to go to him straight after work in a couple of days."

____

Jungkook

Hidden in the corner of the outdoor space, I've huddled up against the metal wall silently to stay out of the way of all the inmates. All their loud shouts and crap from being reckless during outdoor sessions buzz through my ears which I'm getting used to zoning out. Outside time is the most chaotic time, more than stuck inside...Well, both are terrifying.
While the others are battling and who knows what, all I want is the fresh air. It helps with sanity you know? The one thing that plummets the most down the drain behind those horrific bars.