#1: Unrealistic Voices of Love

Unrealistic 29

"What are you saying? What do you mean? Can you repeat what you just said?"

I can see how confuse Jacen is. Sino ba namang hindi maguguluhan kung bigla ko nalang sasabihin 'yon? I sighed before talking again. He was just staring at me while waiting for me to say a word.

"Let's break up." sabi ko sa kanya, seryoso lang ang mukha ko habang nakatingin sa kanya.

"Why, baby? Do we have a problem?" he asked, confused because of me and my words. "What happened?"

"Pagod na 'ko, Jacen." I whispered while looking at him. "I'm tired begging for your attention, Jacen. Pagod na akong intindihin ka na lagi kang busy... na kasama mo 'yung babaeng pinagseselosan ko tapos parang wala lang sa 'yo." dagdag ko pa.

"She's just a friend now, Epione. I already talked to her and she respects our relationship now," sagot naman niya sa 'kin. "Don't you trust me?"

"Ayoko na, Jacen. Pagod na pagod na ako," I said. My vision got blurry so I had to turned my back at him and wiped the tears on my eyes. I sighed before looking at him again. "Ayoko na..."

"What do you want me to do?" Jacen asked. "Give up my dreams and focus on you? Stop what I'm doing?"

"Oo! Pero hindi naman 'yun pwede, Jacen! Gusto kong sabihin sa 'yo na itigil mo 'yan. Gusto kong sabihin sa 'yo nang paulit-ulit na ako muna. Ako muna 'yung pagtuonan mo ng pansin. Gusto kong sabihin sa 'yo na nagsasawa na ako kakaintindi na busy ka riyan sa punyetang banda na 'yan. Puro gig nalang nasa isip mo! Paano naman ako? Paano naman tayo? Kailangan ko bang intindihin lagi na sa susunod nalang ako? Hanggang kailan ko sasabihan 'yung sarili ko na maghintay sa mga 'babawi ako' mo?!" sunod sunod na tanong ko sa kanya. "Why do I feel like I'm just here to support you and not here to be your girlfriend?"

Nagsimula na namang mamuo ang mga luha sa mga mata ko kaya inis akong tumingala para pigilan ito. I looked at Jacen and I can't read his face! Hindi ko man lang alam kung ano talagang reaksyon niya dahil nanatili lang na blangko ang mukha niya.

"Ayoko na... Am I selfish if I demand more attention? Am I too needy? Alam ko namang pangarap mo 'yan kaya nagsisikap ka pero kahit text hindi mo magawa?" tanong ko sa kanya. "Laging naririnig ko sa 'yo ay 'yung busy ka. Sana pala ay hindi mo nalang ako niligawan kung hindi mo ako kayang bigyan ng atensyon."

"Huwag mo naman akong pigilan sa gusto ko, Epione. I'm doing my best, can't you see?" he asked. "This gigs will help me grow."

"Punyetang gig naman kasi 'yan! 'Yan nalang kaya girlfriend mo?! You're always on practice. Do you like being with Hannah, huh?!" galit na sigaw ko sa kanya.

May relasyon ba sila? How can he easily forget what happened that night?! That almost ruin our relationship! Does he like Hannah now?

"You're jumping into conclusions! Stop being too jealous." he frustratedly said. "I just want to work hard for my dreams!"

"Kailangan ko bang manghingi lagi ng atensyon? You're not there when I need you." I said, still forcing myself not to cry. "You said you want to be that someone. That someone who will always be there when I'm weak. That someone who will hug me when I don't feel okay at all. You didn't even ask me that time if I'm fine," sabi ko pa.