#1: Unrealistic Voices of Love

Unrealistic 44

"No, baby. You're just too shock about everything, let's talk about it once you're ready. I can wait... let's not talk about it now."

Jacen held my both hands while saying that. Hawak niya ang kamay ko na para bang maglalaho ako kapag binitawan niya 'yon. Bumuntong hininga ulit ako bago siya tinignan. He's looking at me with those soft eyes.

"Dapat sa una pa lang hindi na talaga natin sinubukan ulit." I answered.

"What do you mean? Giving it a try again is one of the best decision i've made." sagot naman niya sa 'kin.

Bumuntong hininga ako at bumitaw sa hawak niya. I pushed my hair back out of frustration. I feel like I'm so lost and I don't know what to do. What is right and what is wrong. I don't want to make a bad decision. I don't want to choose the wrong option.

I don't want to let him go.

Pero paano kung 'yun ang tamang desisyon na kailangan kong gawin? What if letting him go is the best choice... what if it is still the best choice among the option. But... can't I just a happy life with him? Mali bang mahalin siya?

"Epione, baby, listen. I'm not letting you go, so please... don't let go of my hand again. I don't think I can," I heard Jacen said.

"It's too hard to be on your spotlight, Jacen. Masyado kang mahirap mahalin. Para bang kailangan ko ang approval ng lahat para mahalin ka." sagot ko sa kanya at bumuntong hininga ulit.

"Epione." usal niya sa pangalan ko.

"You're the famous vocalist of the famous band. You're the famous Jacen, the expensive Jacen, the heavenly voice vocalist Jacen... you're the Jacen they want for someone else." pagpapatuloy ko sa basag na boses. "And me? I'm just that journalist who interviewed you. I'm that girl they don't want for you. Para bang extra lang ako sa kwento mo... bakit parang extra ako sa kwento nating dalawa? Bakit... bakit parang kalaban ko ang buong mundo?" pabulong pa na tanong ko pa sa huli. Pumiyok pa ako kaya tumigil ako sa pagsasalita.

"Baby, you're the woman who captured my heart. I don't care what they think about me," sagot naman niya sa 'kin.

"But I care, Jacen! I do care! You worked hard for this. I know that!" sagot ko. "Natatakot akong masira ko kung anong pinaghirapan mo kapag patuloy ko pang pinilit 'to. Natatakot ako na... masira ka." tumutulo ang luha na sabi ko.

I quickly wiped my tears with the back of my hand. My heart felt so heavy that I feel like I'm out of breath. Pilit kong kinakalma ang sarili ko at hindi hinahayaan si Jacen na mas makalapit pa sa 'kin. Mas mahihirapan akong bitawan siya kung mas malapit siya sa 'kin.

"I'm the type of person who's not afraid to take the risk. I'd rather take the risk than regret it soon. Pero pagdating sa 'yo... naduduwag ako, gustong-gusto kita protektahan, Jacen. Mahal na mahal kita na handa akong madurog o masira basta manatili kang buo." umiiyak pa na sabi ko.

"Baby, please." he whispered.

"Takot na takot na akong ipagpatuloy pa 'to. Hindi ko alam, ang gulo... gulong-gulo na rin ako sa sarili ko. Basta ang alam ko gusto kitang protektahan at ito ang alam kong paraan." I continued.