it was a calm and rainy day; the type of weather where you would just stay home and read, watch a movie, or do anything that gave you comfort, while the weather outside was gloomy.
i was sitting by the window looking out at the rain, writing in a journal and enjoying the sound of the rain going against the window. my boyfriend Boris, was outside smoking as usual, he looked gorgeous to me. sometimes i feel like i didn't deserve him at all.
that wasn't true though; it's not like he had treated me in the best way. we have been in an on and off relationship for months, but we still couldn't let go of each other. not everyone knew, they all thought we were this perfect and happy couple that completed each other.
the truth was, we would get into arguments a lot, over the smallest things. sometimes it would get so heated, Boris would try to get violent but he never actually did anything, due to him being reminded of his father. he would just go to the bathroom and cry for hours and wouldn't come out.
i couldn't help but feel bad and would go back to him each time no matter what happened. only i knew the shit he had been through, and couldn't stand the thought of abandoning him. he knew deep down that i should leave and it would be better for us, but didn't say anything, just like me.
we wouldn't even try to confront these problems or talk about them. whenever we tried to, we'd just forget about it and go release all that pressure and anger by having sex.
it wasn't healthy and even i didn't know that to do. i just knew that i'm better off without him.
i didn't even realize the tears that were dripping down my face ironically like the rain outside. i wiped them away and saw Boris making his way inside.
Boris through his cigarette away, and came inside, closing the door behind him. he gave me a smile and i gave him one back in return.
sometimes just seeing him smile or looking happy when he's with me, made all the shit that we go through seem worth it, even if it wasn't.
