✮-loop-✮ // DNF

~18

Words: 1059
TW: panic attack, s*icide thoughts, mentions of r*pe

Everything replayed in his head. Every detail was shown. George's breathing started to get heavier. It started to get harder to breathe.

George's hands slowly got placed everywhere he was touched. He hated it. He hated it a lot. His whole life was just fully gone. All of his happiness, comfort and smile. That was what made George himself. His smile that was so contagious it would always make everyone else smile. You would never see George smiling without you smiling back. From one ear to the other. 

Tears flowing down his cheeks falling onto his bare leg. They quickly sunk in but more tears fell onto his leg. 

This is so stupid
I'm so stupid
I'm so weak
I should die
Why did I let the happen!

More thoughts rushed through his mind. He couldn't let go of it. No matter how hard he tried to get rid off it all, everything that he was thinking, he couldn't. It was permanently glued to him. 

Small knocks were heard. George wiped his ocean of tears and sniffled quietly.

"Y-yes?" George said trying to sound happy.

"I'm just checking up on you. How are you feeling?" He heard the voice say from the other side of the door. The voice was so soothing to George's ears. It was heavenly. George could hear Clay humming a song while waiting for George's reply. He couldn't help but smile.

"I'm fine." George nervously smiled. He heard a his footsteps get further and quieter. Oh how George wished Clay knew everything. Everything he wanted to tell him. How much he loves and adores him. How perfect every single feature of him is. His beauty and everything he loves about him.

George signed and forced himself out of his bed. He was still naked from the previous events. He walked over to his suitcase and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He let out a sign and sat on his bed. 

He travelled his hand under his pillow to find his phone laying. Picking it up, he opened it to see a picture of him and Clay together at the beach hugging. George smiled and let out a few tears. His thumb traced Clay's figure while smiling. He flicked through his phone a bit clearing out all of his unread messages.

Wiping his tears, he placed his phone down back onto his bed. He stumbled over to his door and slowly opened it. He hasn't been out of his room since what happened. He was too scared it would happen again or someone would come.

He walked down the stairs shaking. Everywhere he looked gave him at least one memory of what happened. His eyes got stained with tears in them. He quickly wiped them reaching the bottom of the stairs. Quiet music filled his ears.  He stumbled over to the kitchen slowly to find Clay cooking while dancing to music. George stared at him adoring every move he took. Maybe it looked creepy, but he couldn't resist to see how beautiful Clay was.

"G-George... Hi you scared me!" Clay giggled. George smiled and walked out of the kitchen into the living room thinking about Clay. Everything about him George would love. His puffy hair that flew everywhere he went. Emerald eyes that shone in the sun. He was so perfect to George. He was all he needed.

"Hi George." Niki smiled brightly. George waved and sat down next to Karl who immediately placed his head on his shoulder. George flinched slightly at the movement but went along with it. He sat on the couch/sofa staring into space. 

He got lost in many deep thoughts about everything. Everything his life had come to. He was in love with his best friend that didn't love him back. He just wanted to end it all. Forget about the pain and leave it behind. Leave all of his good and bad things and start new. He switched back into reality by someone tapping his shoulder.

Trying not to move Karl, he turned around to see Clay smiling .

"Come with me." He whispered taking his hand out to George. George accepted his hand and they both walked out of the house. It was a dark but not dark enough not to see. They both walked into Clay's car and sat down.

"W-where are we going?" George mumbled.

"You will see." Clay stared into George's eyes for a solid minute then started to drive. George signed and placed his head against the window. He watched as each star started to show up in the sky. 

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20 minutes had passed of driving and they had arrived. George knew where they were. It was where him and everyone went stargazing. That night was so much fun and many memories, good and bad were made.

George was still holding Clays hand. It was so warm and soft. He squeezed it tightly reaching a cliff. They sat down together.

"Why are we here Clay?" George asked looking at Clay who was already scanning the sky.

"I just want to talk with you, alone." Clay looked at George and they both made eye contact. George stared into Clay's gorgeous green eyes. And Clay stared into George chocolate eyes. George knew what he wanted to talk about. He had nothing to hide so he just went for it.

"I- He touched me. In m-many places w-without my p-permission. He ra-r*ped me.." George broke down into deep sobs. He suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around him. Clay pulled him in placing his head on Clay's chest. George clamed down a bit by listening to Clay's heartbeats. Clay starts humming a song, he played with George's hair smiling softly.

"T-thank you." George stuttered . Clay felt a small smile against his chest. 

"We should go home now." Clay offered.

"No. Can we stay here for the night, please?" George sniffled. Clay nodded and lay down on the grass. He pulled George close to him so they both cuddled. He felt a warm feeling in his heart. Every time he was around Clay he always felt something different. He felt love and affection. George never wanted this moment to end, but he knew it would.

Without knowing they both fell asleep. George's quiet snores filled in the silence.