Accepting Me

Chapter 3

It took time but I got over it and I moved on but the funny thing is no one noticed I was sad or losing weight no one noticed my absents , everyone was busy with their own problems I thought, my parents even forget my birthday they were so busy treating my other siblings like the center of their universe
that they forget about me, well I guess that's what happens to the middle child, or maybe there was just something wrong with me and I didn't deserve love this was the sad truth that invaded my mind constantly.
That was it for me, I isolated myself and I cried I cried for days and weeks , I hardly left my room, no one notice my mom was busying doing god knows what dad was at work, siblings have their own stuff to deal with,
was there no one who cared that I was sad no one notice me unless I did something good or bad whether at school or home but if I was sad or hurt it was like I was invisible, but if anyone needed me I was always there for them regardless of what is going on with me am always the one making sure everyone and everything is ok but when I need someone,
it's like no one is there like no one notice my suffering I was abandon by the ones that are supposed to love me unconditionally. its fine you don't need them or anyone for that matter , that's what I said to myself daily and with that I went to my room and only came out when necessary,
I started to avoid everyone, it was summer and we never go anywhere so it wasn't hard, I cried every day for a week in my room.I even searched the internet for reasons why this was happening but nothing helped I couldn't take it any more I needed something to numb out the pain, something to make me feel nothing,
i went to the bathroom were the medicine cabinet was and took out about six packet of ponadol and a razor I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I saw myself for the first time in a week and a half, best believe I looked like a messed, but while the tears slid down my face I smiled, in a weird way I was happy I was never going to see myself again but sad cause I said suicide and girls that cut are weak and a weak act but here I am my heart full with hurt,
I was depressed, lonely, and over it at this point, I had nothing and no one so it wasn't like I was going to be missed or cried for, I am nothing, and with that thought in mind I went to my room and locked the door with a bottle of water, the pills, the blade and one idea in mind end it and all the pain will stop.