Accepting Me

part 2

I wasn’t always like this, I was raised in an environment, where I was thought to be kind to other don’t be selfish put their needs before yours, learn to love others stop being so negative , you would be really attractive if you would wear this, why can’t you act like that girl in your class, cover up , show some skin, smile more, do something with that hair,
I would date you but your fat, you know you’re pretty for a fat girl, use this for that acne, you will never amount to anything, am going to stop sending you to school because it seems like am wasting my time, your lazy, stop using depression as an excuse to do
nothing, the one that hurt the most was the ‘ I wish you were never born, you’re nothing.
These where the things that were said to me and more but I tried not to think about it so just shut it out but over time it was just picking at my soul and chewing on my sanity, I was losing myself slowly. This hurt when it came from your peers ,or strangers, but when its coming from your own family and even your siblings, that’s
when you start to believe it to be true, so I stopped trying to be unique, I started to mold myself into becoming when everyone thought was right for me, what society thought was acceptable of a young girl, I started cutting meals and working out so I could lose weight, watching videos of how to style my hair, the school I went to makes us wear uniform so that was one less thing to worry about ,but for events where I was allowed to wear different clothes,
I selected them based on what would make me look more attractive to boys not to much but not too little, I even started to talk like the other girls that got the boys attention, even changed my friends group to a more popular group but still I wasn’t noticed, but I wasn’t all looks and no brain, I was polite, well mannered and my grades where average above a fail but not passed the perfect scores,
I was not too loud or too meek , to a lot of people I was very nice, if you hate me people would wonder why, but to sum it up I was a people pleaser, at
school, at home, even with strangers. I wanted to fix everyone’s problems I didn’t care too much about mine, I tried being like my friends but I still didn’t fit in so I chilled with the boys
it worked for a while until you realize their girlfriends hate you so you end a good friendship, again people pleasing, or it turns out that boy didn’t actually want to be your friend but wanted to get with you