Accepting Me

part 3

i was being hit all over for a minute before they were dragged off of me by my friends, that’s when i realized we attracted a crowd from our little show down, i was still enraged i couldn’t hear what was being said, i told my friends i was ready to go and walked away from the crowd, this was enough for one night we got in the car and we drove off, my friend kept asking a bunch of questions but i ignored most of them and said i was fine, it’s not like this was my only fight, Trinity the other girl from our group thought me a couple moves so i wasn’t useless after i told her what happened with my friends, she wanted to make sure i could defend myself so we had a couple play fight every now and then, but apart from that i got in a few fights a clubs with other girls,
a few times at school and a couple other times with my siblings, but this was the first time i ever felt this much rage and let it get the best of me, i felt bad because i know that i hurt her worst than they hurt me a while ago, but i didn’t care that much where i couldn’t sleep they deserved it. The car came to a stop and i looked up to realize i was at my gate, i told my friends night they wished me a happy birthday i chuckled and walked away,
they know am not happy right now ray offered to stay and chill but i declined cause i wanted to be alone, i told him I'll text them in a few and with that i went inside only wanting to be by myself.
But as i opened the door the lights came one and there was my mom stand in the living room next to the switch arms folded looking like the pest she is. Christ what now i asked myself, as if i wasn’t having a bad night already, i masked my annoyed expression with a blank stare mumbled a good night and try to walk passed her with my head down, but as i was about to pass her she pulled me back and slapped me in the face, i got a whiff of the alcohol oozing off her and i immediately knew what was about to happen.
She does this every time dads away and my other siblings are out, she drinks get drunk and when i come home late she just gets enraged and put all her pent up anger on me, like am the reason why dad is cheating or the reasons for any of her other problems because i wasn't, yes am rebellious and destructive and disrespectful at times but that isn’t what this is about, it’s about her needing someone to unleash her stress on, but she can’t hit her other precious children just the middle child, the screw up, the mistake apparently.
I know what’s about to go down but i really didn't have the energy to deal with it right now so i tried again to walk away but she pulled me back again and started to hit me while arguing about god knows what , realizing there is no escape i stood there and take it, i wasn’t going to cry this time i was drained and tired or so i thought, it seems as if i wasn't giving the reaction that mother needed to tried to hit me in the face but i saw it coming and ducked, i shocked her a bit but enraged her more she grabbed for an object and throw it at me and i ducked again she practically flung everything off the table at me but it missed everything which seems to aggravate her more i smiled slightly which only enraged her she grabbed at me and started hitting me like a mad woman,
school was out so she didn't try to avoid my face, she started shout at me calling me names and saying i should have never being born, i was so enraged at what she was saying n her actions that i forget that she was my mother i shoved her off me and she stumbled back a few feet i start to scream in her face asking her why she hates me and what i ever did to deserve this treatment and a bunch of other things while holding back the tears my mind going a million thought per second and my head was pounding. She just stood there for a while crying until her legs still my mother but she screamed at me to stay away from her so i left her there, at this point we were both screaming on the top of our lungs when dad and my other siblings came in.
They never saw us fight like this before only arguments and mom throwing random objects at me when i said something disrespectful to her or anyone. They all rush to her side to help her up at this point she was crying louder making a whole scene. They all looked at me as if i just killed someone no one ask if i was ok but i didn't care my dad looks disappointed and angry he didn't even ask me what happened, i held back the tears and stormed off to my room mother was just being dramatic, not like no one in this house ever cares about me,
i slammed the door to my room and locked it before flopping on my bed with my eyes closed trying to ease my mind as tonight’s event played throughout my mind. My phone started to ring and i pulled it out of my pocket i shocked that i didn't lose it with tonight’s many altercations but it seems to be working fine as well, i checked the caller id to see rays name so i answered, we talked on the phone for a bit i told him i was ok and i would text him and others then i hang up. I freshen up and sat up in bed thinking while texting my friends, my mind was busy, i blamed myself for what happened tonight, i felt the tears come back again why wasn’t i a normal child i asked myself, i sat there lost in thought as i silently broke down for the first time in months,