Accepting Me

part 5

my system and the music was loud, for the first time I felt alive and free I danced and drank having the time of my leave, when an idea came to mind, you know that thing that you always thought about doing but was too scared to do it , well I was no longer scared I felt fearless in this moment, so I dance to my room with my fifth cup in hand I think I lost track after the first eight shots, looked in my dresser mirror and smiled a genuine smile I was actually happy right now, with no one judging me or anything, I looked down on my dresser still swaying to the music with the alcohol leading my movements, I spotted what I came here for when my song came on, I quickly grabbed my scissors and hair clipper and started swaying to the music in an offbeat rhythm, I slowed down a bit to focus on what I was about to do, I looked in the mirror, took a large gulp from my glass and started cutting, while giggling like a maniac my birthday is in three days and am going to do this differently starting from now,
so I cut I it not all of it but most, I watched a few tutorial’s a while back so I know what to do, and if anything goes wrong I guess I could just go bold, who care, and with that I finished my glass, and kept cutting my hair, it took about an hour but I did It, I looked at myself in the mirror as I place the clipper and scissors on the dresser, I smiled at my reflection for the first time I was ok with what I saw in the mirror, but this was only the beginning, I continue to dance to the music while drinking and cleaning up the mess I made when getting my new haircut, by the time I was done with my solo braffings it was about six in the evening, so I decided to go get something to eat , I was not in the mood to cook for one so fast food it was,
I freshen up got dressed in one of my best attires, because if I wasn’t good at anything I was good at coordinating a fire outfit, I unplugged my phone from the radio and stepped outside , I was still a little tipsy but I could manage myself, I took a taxi because I didn’t trust myself to drive sober or not, my mind was foggy. I got to my destination and picked up my food but on my way back I saw one of the fruits guy on the side of the road selling fruits which I love but I also remember one time my friend said these guys sell the best devils lettuce, if you know what I mean, with that in mind you could guess what I did, I got a decent amount and the other materials needed, I had friends that smoke so I know how to roll a blunt,
did it once before but know I think I would like it more, with that thought in mind I went home and had dinner then went to bed feeling drained from today’s activity. It’s being a week and a half since I started smoking and drinking I even went to a few local parties, took some snaps to feel better about myself I even met a group of people that I hang out with now, their pretty cool but I still keep my distance know my track record with friends, just a small group of three me making it four,