A White Rabbit in Summer

World B

January 23

Mom slept with me. Dad was in the room for almost an hour. I think he was just watching us. I knew he was there though. He kept crying and muttering under his breath. He was like that when I showed up. Dad kept pinching himself. I had to pull his fingers off his skin and tell him, "you're not dreaming."

Dad just checked on me.

I'm in the living room under three blankets and Dad asked me if I needed another. The snow's coming down outside, but it feels so warm inside. It feels warmer than the home that I left. They care so much about what's going on with me. Dad would never take a day off from work.

He started a fire and he's actually cooking me a hot chocolate. It's 3 A M and he's making cocoa. I'm smiling so deep that it's squeezing tears out of my eyes, Diary! It's so wonderful to see Dad like this. He's always so distant. He's always hiding in his study and his whiskey. He thinks that I can't hear them arguing in the middle of the night.

---

Dad wanted to talk. It felt good to talk to him.

I know that you need to know what lies I told, and I'm going to. I've never broken a promise, have I, Diary?

I told them that I saw a light and then I woke up in the snow. I've been dead for a month in this world. They want an explanation, but none will exist. If they believe in God, if they REALLY believe in God, they'll thank him for bringing me back to them.

I don't think they will. I don't think my parents ever really believed in God and now I'm going to know that for sure. Dad said that he's going to call the police in the morning. He said that they'll probably look for where I arrived in the snow. I told him that I showed up somewhere around the old bridge, but he didn't even know which bridge I was talking about. He asked if I would show him where I came from.

He wants to see it.

He wants to know where I really was because he doesn't believe in God.

Maybe I should feel sad that Dad's been lying to me my entire life, but I just feel vindicated. Dad knew that God and Christ were all just lies that people told themselves to feel better about the world and he never said anything because he wanted me to believe in that lie.

He's not even shaken up, not really. He's happy to see me, but he's curious as to the why. He hasn't even considered the possibility that God or angels brought me back. He probably thinks that I was drugged and kidnapped.

Wait! Am I going to have to undergo a full physical? I really don't want some old woman to touch my vagina...

---

I'm in my room, the police are down stairs, and I found the clothes that I'm wearing in my closet! I knew that my parents hadn't thrown anything out, but I didn't think about my clothes. There's two versions of my swear, jeans, socks, boots, t-shirt, and bra. I'll be able to wand them away, but I can't right now! After they take me down to the station they're going to see the time clones and they're going to know that something supernatural is up! I have to hide you with the duplicate clothes.

I'll be back, Diary. I promise!

January 26

I'm sorry it's been three days, Diary, but I couldn't get here any sooner. You know that, right?

I told the same lie to the police and the case worker. They kept pressing me for details, but I never gave them any. I think they know that I'm lying but it doesn't matter. They can't prove that I'm actually lying. Grown ups can't see magic, so I'm fine! The worst that can happen is that they find you, but even if they do, they won't know about the secret marker. No, everything is going to be fine.

Okay, I'm doing those breathing exercises Lily told me to do. I think that this version of me, the alternate Holly, was on anxiety meds. I don't know why I didn't see that when I was dreaming about this world. I guess it was bound to happen eventually. There's so many details in another world that it's easy to miss the colors in the rainbow of time. Professor Owl always warned us about the dangers of jumping timelines. It probably doesn't help that I haven't done this since Wikella's death.

I don't know if I can take anxiety meds. They could help me, but taking them might break the oath. Will I be able to take them through the gate? I don't know. Ugh! There's always problems to solve when you time jump.

I DID have a physical! It was gross and weird and there were non-doctors in the room. I lied a lot when they were asking their questions. They saw the scars. I didn't think about that and so I just had to tell them that they were scars I got as a kid. I wasn't lying, but some of the scars are strange looking. The one when I got gored by the bullbatross left a pattern that's almost a perfect star! I had to just look at them and go, "yeah, it's just a scar. I think I fell off the swing when I got that."

The physical is going to cause more problems than I thought. I think they talked to Mom and Dad about all of my injuries. I'm sure they didn't know about any of them. That's why there's a caseworker now. They're asking me a lot of questions about abuse now. They want to know if my parents hit me. Someone even asked if I was pretending to be Holly Greenbay. Like...why would I?

My suicide...her suicide...

I'm just going to call the other Holly: Bolly, to avoid confusion. Bolly because she's from world B.

Bolly's suicide caught some press attention. It was a slow news cycle or something so people all over the state know that I'm supposed to be dead. Which is great; super super great! The press was there when I left downtown today. They wanted to know where I'd been. I told them my story.

I'm supposed to be getting my phone again soon. I want to get to school but it's still too dangerous. I think they're looking for signs of abuse, but if they check out Bolly's coroner report, they're not going to find any evidence of scars. Bolly was never a Rainbow Warrior.

It's going to be okay, Diary. I just need to talk to the royal family about the anxiety meds.

---

The wand and key are gone!

I checked all over.

I was so careful when I hid them. I put them under a stone under a pile of snow and the weather's been cold. The place was thick with powder, but someone had been there. Someone had pulled the stone loose and got what was inside.

It couldn't have been the arctic fox, right?

No, Wikella is dead. I promised you that I wouldn't think about her being alive, Diary. I'm going to keep that promise, but it's hard. This isn't how I thought it would go. I wanted to move here, but I didn't want to lose the wand and key. Queen Nephila needs the wand and key back.

I can show up to the gate entrance. I can go there everyday until I see them again.

I'm tired from all the crying, Diary. I'll try to write more later.