At age twelve, Holly and her friends saved the world from the Wikella, the Queen of All Evil. Yet for sixteen-year-old Holly, it's a hollow victory. Life as an ordinary teenager is a life of pained disappointment and isolating secrecy.
Family? Her p...
He'll see my body and regret what we weren't. Maybe it won't happen like that. Maybe he'll hear about my death from a friend or a teacher, but he'll know that I'm gone and realize what a mistake he made by never giving us a chance. I don't blame him. He's not like me. He can't see the rainbow of time like I can. He doesn't know how beautiful we are together.
All Jad can see is my shabby sweater and Fifi's glossy bubblegum smile. Maybe it's not even about her, maybe it's all about how his friends look at me. I know that Jad likes me. I've seen him smile for real. I've heard how he laughs with her and it's nothing like how he laughs when he's with me. He's laughing because he knows he needs to and not because he thinks she's half as clever as that bitter fudge cookie thinks she is.
I don't want to take my life, I just want him to know what it would be like if I left this world. I want him to know that he made a mistake. I know what you're thinking, Diary, but this isn't me reacting to tragedy. If it was, then I would've gone to see the Magicals right after Jad rejected me. Please don't talk to them, Diary. I can do this myself.
I've been practicing my speech. I can get out my request without frowning or tearing up. It's just that when I start thinking about the questions they'll ask that I start having trouble. I know that they're just trying to help me. They're here to help me and I try to remember that, but right now it just feels like the Magicals are in my way. There's reason for them to worry. They love me, I know they do. I love them too, it's just that I've never loved anyone like how I love him. It's not enough to dream about him, I need to feel his hand with my own fingers. Without him hurts too much.
I've spent a month talking myself into this. This isn't an impulse; it isn't! If I can go to the world without me, he'll realize how much he missed me, and he'll never look back. He'll hold me tight and only let go to eat. I want to see him eat. I want to see him smile at me again. Now he won't even look at me. Now he acts like we were always nothing. I can't live like this. I know I can't. Everyone who said that I'll get over it doesn't feel the blood sloshing around in my chest. They must not have ever been in love, because no one who's felt like I do could ever get over it!
I lost Sashy to this, but I don't care. I can't keep living like this.
I'm going to tell them.
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From this introduction, I typed out the story in about two weeks. I really enjoyed writing "A White Rabbit in Summer" and I'm looking forward to getting feedback. This story is more of an adult drama with fantasy/paranormal elements rather than the other way around. It's in a found documents style throughout.
While Holly takes a cavalier attitude towards life and death, please trust that I've written her this way for a reason. I don't write characters to be reflections of myself and my characters and prose will argue points that I disagree with if the story calls for it. That being said, please be mindful of yourself while reading. "A White Rabbit in Summer" deals with some heavy topics including suicide, religion, drugs use, slut shaming, mental health, sex, and death.
